Monday, June 13, 2011
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
i am coming out of my clomid haze... hallelujah.
after my last post about being so depressed and not being able to admit anything i was grateful for, my sister heather sent me an email. she said that she and her kids couldn't believe that i couldn't even be grateful for dottie! well, since i am starting to feel a little bit better, i decided to make a list of all the things i am grateful for right now. i haven't done a list in so long! i love lists.
1. have you ever seen the show "billy the exterminator"? tyler loves it and we have been waching it a ton. okay, so if you know griffin boice, you need to look up this show and watch it, because 'billy' looks exactly, exactly, like griffin. the funniest part is though, he has a world class mullet. no, the word mullet doesn't even do it justice, you just have to experience it. he also dresses in all black with like, metal spiked shoulders and gloves. it is soooo funny. it is like watching griffin in a halloween costume. i can't get over it.
2. tyler is a really good husband. (well, not right exactly now, cause he is being reaaallll bratty and demanding carrot cake to be delivered to him in bed... but other than right now, he's real good). as i might have mentioned once or twice, i have been crazy... and crazy depressed. not only did he buy me a new car to cheer me up, and take me on a real fun road trip (which i will blog about later), he is just so patient and loving with me. i threw a whopper of a tantrum on sunday. a reaaallll bad one. i blogged a long time ago about my dad experiencing my wrath for making us miss the mcdonald's breakfast. well tyler didn't let me go to sonic, and i reaallly wanted a chili cheese coney. (yes it was sunday, leave me alone). i flipped out. like, i was stomping my feet and screaming "i hate you!!!" at the top of my lungs. i wouldn't come upstairs with him, and i was major pouting. the whole time, through my like 2 hour tantrum, he was saying how he just wanted me to come spend time with him, and that he just wanted to be with me. then later that night, when i had (mostly) cooled off, he put his arm around me and told me that he just loved everything about me. and then as a bonus he called me pint-sized. this is why my mom loved him so much, because he really does love me so so much. it even blows me away sometimes. he just loves me. and i don't know for sure, but i think he might like it when i blow up :)
3. speaking of my dad and mcdonald's breakfast, he is coming to my house and staying the night on the way to his old fart fishing trip, and i am so excited!
4. also, in july we are having a big family reunion in utah and i get to see my sisters! okay and my brother too :) i am just so excited to be with all my family. i love my family so much. summer is usually the time we all get to see each other and i can't wait.
5. did i mention that i live right by tahoe, and it's almost summer? tahoe in the summer is heaven on earth. tyler and i are discussing what hikes we want to go on... where we want to camp... etc. can't wait.
6. tyler and i are also discussing what little trips we want to take this summer/fall, and they include, but are not limited to: southern california, las vegas, bay area / giants baseball game, and yosemite.
7. my car is awesome.
8. dottie was hanging out in the backyard today, laying in the sun i assumed. i went out front to dump something in the big garbage can and as i rounded the corner by the backyard gate, i caught dottie red-handed. she was digging out under the gate and was laying on her side, half in the backyard and half in the front, pushing all her little paws so fast trying to make it through. i came around the corner and our eyes met, and she knew she was busted. she scrambled back to the backyard, and started shaking her little bum bum so hard, looking at me. she is so funny. she is my love. but she did get a little spanking for that one.
9. so you think you can dance. sigh. i got choked up when i started watching the first episode, because i just couldn't believe it was on again. i should've been a dancer.
okay, that's all for now. see, i'm grateful.
1. have you ever seen the show "billy the exterminator"? tyler loves it and we have been waching it a ton. okay, so if you know griffin boice, you need to look up this show and watch it, because 'billy' looks exactly, exactly, like griffin. the funniest part is though, he has a world class mullet. no, the word mullet doesn't even do it justice, you just have to experience it. he also dresses in all black with like, metal spiked shoulders and gloves. it is soooo funny. it is like watching griffin in a halloween costume. i can't get over it.
2. tyler is a really good husband. (well, not right exactly now, cause he is being reaaallll bratty and demanding carrot cake to be delivered to him in bed... but other than right now, he's real good). as i might have mentioned once or twice, i have been crazy... and crazy depressed. not only did he buy me a new car to cheer me up, and take me on a real fun road trip (which i will blog about later), he is just so patient and loving with me. i threw a whopper of a tantrum on sunday. a reaaallll bad one. i blogged a long time ago about my dad experiencing my wrath for making us miss the mcdonald's breakfast. well tyler didn't let me go to sonic, and i reaallly wanted a chili cheese coney. (yes it was sunday, leave me alone). i flipped out. like, i was stomping my feet and screaming "i hate you!!!" at the top of my lungs. i wouldn't come upstairs with him, and i was major pouting. the whole time, through my like 2 hour tantrum, he was saying how he just wanted me to come spend time with him, and that he just wanted to be with me. then later that night, when i had (mostly) cooled off, he put his arm around me and told me that he just loved everything about me. and then as a bonus he called me pint-sized. this is why my mom loved him so much, because he really does love me so so much. it even blows me away sometimes. he just loves me. and i don't know for sure, but i think he might like it when i blow up :)
3. speaking of my dad and mcdonald's breakfast, he is coming to my house and staying the night on the way to his old fart fishing trip, and i am so excited!
4. also, in july we are having a big family reunion in utah and i get to see my sisters! okay and my brother too :) i am just so excited to be with all my family. i love my family so much. summer is usually the time we all get to see each other and i can't wait.
5. did i mention that i live right by tahoe, and it's almost summer? tahoe in the summer is heaven on earth. tyler and i are discussing what hikes we want to go on... where we want to camp... etc. can't wait.
6. tyler and i are also discussing what little trips we want to take this summer/fall, and they include, but are not limited to: southern california, las vegas, bay area / giants baseball game, and yosemite.
7. my car is awesome.
8. dottie was hanging out in the backyard today, laying in the sun i assumed. i went out front to dump something in the big garbage can and as i rounded the corner by the backyard gate, i caught dottie red-handed. she was digging out under the gate and was laying on her side, half in the backyard and half in the front, pushing all her little paws so fast trying to make it through. i came around the corner and our eyes met, and she knew she was busted. she scrambled back to the backyard, and started shaking her little bum bum so hard, looking at me. she is so funny. she is my love. but she did get a little spanking for that one.
9. so you think you can dance. sigh. i got choked up when i started watching the first episode, because i just couldn't believe it was on again. i should've been a dancer.
okay, that's all for now. see, i'm grateful.
Monday, May 16, 2011
i'm sooooooo excited!!!!!!
alternate post titles included:
- if i can't have kids at least i can have a kick-a$$ car!
- i have the bestest husband ever!
- nothing gets you out of a depression like a new car!
i feel so happy right now. i haven't felt any inkling of happiness in a couple weeks, so this is pretty big news. my depression/anger has been significant, and so foreign to me. even when bad things are happening, i can usually crank up a song, or go through a drive thru, or watch a show, or get into a book (you get the idea), and be totally happy. i honestly could not do that this time. i felt empty inside. well, other than the anger. heathie, you talked in your post about just thinking of everything you were grateful for.... i am usually sooo good at that, but i couldn't even do it. i couldn't admit one thing i was grateful for. i really think it was the clomid and not me.... that's what kelly said. but knowing that didn't neccesarily make it any easier.
anywhooooo,
tyler has been so wonderful. so supportive and loving... and i am not lovable right now. friday night he asked me if i needed a little trip, and i brattily nodded my head yes. so he said, okay let's start planning one. then sat/sun we started talking (again) about if i should get a new car. so he took me on a little excursion to test drive one here, and started some extensive internet research looking for (literally) my dream car. they (i am specific/picky) are hard to find, lemme tell you!! in fact, the only one we could find (including brand new dealership ones) was in seattle.
soooooo,
we are combining the two (the getaway and the car). we've been one the phone/computer all morning, and it's official. would you like to see my new car??
my heart is fluttering even uploading the pictures.
it's a 2010 subaru impreza wrx wagon.
and it is sososososososooooooo fast. we test drove one here, and when i pressed the gas (i was only in second gear and shot up to 60 in like two seconds), i literally said "holy sh##!"- with the salesman in the car. it's amazing. so fun.
is tyler not the best?
he really really is taking care of his crazy wife.
i just booked the plane tickets... we fly out saturday late afternoon, and get the car right away. then we'll spend that night in seattle, and take 2-3 days to drive home through portland and ashland etc.
i can't wait.
it feels so good to be happy again :)
ps- don't worry... i know that lasting happiness is not based on fast "dream" cars, but they sure help :)
- if i can't have kids at least i can have a kick-a$$ car!
- i have the bestest husband ever!
- nothing gets you out of a depression like a new car!
i feel so happy right now. i haven't felt any inkling of happiness in a couple weeks, so this is pretty big news. my depression/anger has been significant, and so foreign to me. even when bad things are happening, i can usually crank up a song, or go through a drive thru, or watch a show, or get into a book (you get the idea), and be totally happy. i honestly could not do that this time. i felt empty inside. well, other than the anger. heathie, you talked in your post about just thinking of everything you were grateful for.... i am usually sooo good at that, but i couldn't even do it. i couldn't admit one thing i was grateful for. i really think it was the clomid and not me.... that's what kelly said. but knowing that didn't neccesarily make it any easier.
anywhooooo,
tyler has been so wonderful. so supportive and loving... and i am not lovable right now. friday night he asked me if i needed a little trip, and i brattily nodded my head yes. so he said, okay let's start planning one. then sat/sun we started talking (again) about if i should get a new car. so he took me on a little excursion to test drive one here, and started some extensive internet research looking for (literally) my dream car. they (i am specific/picky) are hard to find, lemme tell you!! in fact, the only one we could find (including brand new dealership ones) was in seattle.
soooooo,
we are combining the two (the getaway and the car). we've been one the phone/computer all morning, and it's official. would you like to see my new car??
my heart is fluttering even uploading the pictures.
it's a 2010 subaru impreza wrx wagon.
and it is sososososososooooooo fast. we test drove one here, and when i pressed the gas (i was only in second gear and shot up to 60 in like two seconds), i literally said "holy sh##!"- with the salesman in the car. it's amazing. so fun.
is tyler not the best?
he really really is taking care of his crazy wife.
i just booked the plane tickets... we fly out saturday late afternoon, and get the car right away. then we'll spend that night in seattle, and take 2-3 days to drive home through portland and ashland etc.
i can't wait.
it feels so good to be happy again :)
ps- don't worry... i know that lasting happiness is not based on fast "dream" cars, but they sure help :)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
as kelly so eloquently put it... i am clomiderific
i haven't dared blog, because who knows what i'll put on here. i am kind of quarantining myself. but just wanted to check in and say what's up while i'm in a rare moment of feeling normal/borderline happy. the last couple of weeks have been not so happy. i've decided that mother's day is pretty sucky when your mom is dead and you are infertile. i'm going through a real angry phase. and a real depressed phase. kelly tells me to not trust any of my emotions right now, so i'm trying to keep that in mind. well, i better stop talking before i really get going. hopefully i'll be back on my game soon.
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