Monday, September 20, 2010

do i have news for you...

but first off, some pictures.
i've never posted any of the very lovely pictures that roberta took while she was here, but here are a couple...

cute, right? roberta is amazing. i'm thinking one of those for our christmas card. (who am i kidding? like i'll get out christmas cards). tyler is almost over his bug... mostly because the project is over. it has sure been a good car though. it's always getting comments from people when we are driving around. one guy even rolled down his window driving next to us and asked if tyler wanted to sell it. haha. he is thinking about it now, cause he wants a nissan frontier. he says they're "sexy". i thought that was so funny because he has never described anything as sexy.

okay, i'm stalling. here's the news:

i made an appointment with the fertility doctor.

in case you're not aware, this was a huge big deal step for me. in fact, as i called to make my appointment i was trying not to burst into tears. after i made the appointment i realized that i've kinda been in a form of denial for a really long time. there are things wrong with my body, and i need to figure out what they are. that was hard to admit to myself. but now that i have, i feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.
when i was driving home, the day i made the appointment i realized another reason that i had put off making the appointment and it made me start crying. i realized that by making the appt. i was allowing myself to hope again, and that is scary. i am learning about myself that i am really good at self preservation. if i am going to get hurt i go on lockdown mode. and i have been in lockdown mode for a couple years now. yowza.
time to face my fears i guess.

so anyway, my appointment is one week from today. three days after my twenty eighth birthday (which is on friday). i feel excited and anxious to get started.
also, if anyone has any advice  would love to hear it. i want to go into it with some idea of what to say and what to ask. etc. so let me know if you have any words of wisdom.

i have more to update, but this keyboard is being slow and driving me crazy, so i'll do it later.