Monday, May 16, 2011

i'm sooooooo excited!!!!!!

alternate post titles included:

- if i can't have kids at least i can have a kick-a$$ car!
- i have the bestest husband ever!
- nothing gets you out of a depression like a new car!

i feel so happy right now. i haven't felt any inkling of happiness in a couple weeks, so this is pretty big news. my depression/anger has been significant, and so foreign to me. even when bad things are happening, i can usually crank up a song, or go through a drive thru, or watch a show, or get into a book (you get the idea), and be totally happy. i honestly could not do that this time. i felt empty inside. well, other than the anger. heathie, you talked in your post about just thinking of everything you were grateful for.... i am usually sooo good at that, but i couldn't even do it. i couldn't admit one thing i was grateful for. i really think it was the clomid and not me.... that's what kelly said. but knowing that didn't neccesarily make it any easier.

tyler has been so wonderful. so supportive and loving... and i am not lovable right now. friday night he asked me if i needed a little trip, and i brattily nodded my head yes. so he said, okay let's start planning one. then sat/sun we started talking (again) about if i should get a new car. so he took me on a little excursion to test drive one here, and started some extensive internet research looking for (literally) my dream car. they (i am specific/picky) are hard to find, lemme tell you!! in fact, the only one we could find (including brand new dealership ones) was in seattle.

we are combining the two (the getaway and the car). we've been one the phone/computer all morning, and it's official. would you like to see my new car??

my heart is fluttering even uploading the pictures.
it's a 2010 subaru impreza wrx wagon.
and it is sososososososooooooo fast. we test drove one here, and when i pressed the gas (i was only in second gear and shot up to 60 in like two seconds), i literally said "holy sh##!"- with the salesman in the car. it's amazing. so fun.
is tyler not the best?
he really really is taking care of his crazy wife.

i just booked the plane tickets... we fly out saturday late afternoon, and get the car right away. then we'll spend that night in seattle, and take 2-3 days to drive home through portland and ashland etc.
i can't wait.
it feels so good to be happy again :)

ps- don't worry... i know that lasting happiness is not based on fast "dream" cars, but they sure help :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

as kelly so eloquently put it... i am clomiderific

i haven't dared blog, because who knows what i'll put on here. i am kind of quarantining myself. but just wanted to check in and say what's up while i'm in a rare moment of feeling normal/borderline happy. the last couple of weeks have been not so happy. i've decided that mother's day is pretty sucky when your mom is dead and you are infertile. i'm going through a real angry phase. and a real depressed phase. kelly tells me to not trust any of my emotions right now, so i'm trying to keep that in mind. well, i better stop talking before i really get going. hopefully i'll be back on my game soon.