Monday, September 20, 2010

do i have news for you...

but first off, some pictures.
i've never posted any of the very lovely pictures that roberta took while she was here, but here are a couple...







cute, right? roberta is amazing. i'm thinking one of those for our christmas card. (who am i kidding? like i'll get out christmas cards). tyler is almost over his bug... mostly because the project is over. it has sure been a good car though. it's always getting comments from people when we are driving around. one guy even rolled down his window driving next to us and asked if tyler wanted to sell it. haha. he is thinking about it now, cause he wants a nissan frontier. he says they're "sexy". i thought that was so funny because he has never described anything as sexy.

okay, i'm stalling. here's the news:

i made an appointment with the fertility doctor.

in case you're not aware, this was a huge big deal step for me. in fact, as i called to make my appointment i was trying not to burst into tears. after i made the appointment i realized that i've kinda been in a form of denial for a really long time. there are things wrong with my body, and i need to figure out what they are. that was hard to admit to myself. but now that i have, i feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.
when i was driving home, the day i made the appointment i realized another reason that i had put off making the appointment and it made me start crying. i realized that by making the appt. i was allowing myself to hope again, and that is scary. i am learning about myself that i am really good at self preservation. if i am going to get hurt i go on lockdown mode. and i have been in lockdown mode for a couple years now. yowza.
time to face my fears i guess.

so anyway, my appointment is one week from today. three days after my twenty eighth birthday (which is on friday). i feel excited and anxious to get started.
also, if anyone has any advice  would love to hear it. i want to go into it with some idea of what to say and what to ask. etc. so let me know if you have any words of wisdom.

i have more to update, but this keyboard is being slow and driving me crazy, so i'll do it later.

9 comments:

Nikki said...

Those a great photos!!! Best of luck Nicole :)

ashleyboice said...

yaaaahooo. I am so proud of you. It is scary to go to the doctor, it seriously stresses me out...but just remember "knowledge is power". The more you know the more you can do. I can't wait.

We went and watched BMX'ing at the dew tour...made me miss you guys.

bBchronicles said...

CONGRATS on your appointment and facing your 'fears'!!! YOU'LL DO GREAT! Keep us posted! My favorite is on your sidebar (but I realize Dottie isn't in that one) - sending more via USPostal today or tomorrow.

Missy said...

Hey Nicole. I saw your comment when I was looking at Julie's blog. I just wanted you to know that I think about you often and want you to know that I think you are such an amazing person and I wouldn't be where I am today in the church if it wasn't for your amazing example and friendship. You are going to be the most perfect mother!
I also wanted you to know that I completely understand what you are going through. I went through fertility treatments for a long time. I'm not going to lie, it is tough but so worth it. I had some really hard times physically, mentally and spiritually through my infertility process but it all worked out in the end. It is amazing what they can do now adays. If you have PCOS like me you have a great chance in conceiving you just need a little help like me. I would love to share with you what I went through and how I got through it. We had several failed attempts but it finally worked. I will be praying for you in this new adventure. Heavenly Father has put Drs. and medicine on this earth to help us. Try to keep your head up and stay positive. I love you Nicole. Please keep me posted. I hope to hear from you!!
missymarie36@hotmail.com

Mandi said...

You are so pretty. I love the photos a lot. And I am super glad that you are moving forward and made the appt. Miss you.

kirsti osborne said...

yay! i have thought about you and your appointment everyday since you told me. PLEASE call me right after. i wanna know how it goes.
p.s. i LOVE those pictures sooooooo much. you remind me of the old pics of your mom

Kim H. said...

Hope your appointment went well. I too had to go through some infertility treatments. My best advice is to really like your doctor and if you don't, then get a new one.

heather said...

good girl nicole. so proud. let us know how the appt. went or are you in lockdown again. hope your bday was the best. just like you, smile.

Corine said...

Oh Hello, you only look SoSo pretty in all those pics. I really really miss you. A lot. and I love that you are being real brave and you are totally an inspiration to so many people. this is gooey. but i love you