last night before bed, i was looking through kelly's "favorite posts", and i found this picture:
this picture always makes me tear up. it is right before my mission- a few months before my mom died. that is her looking over my shoulder. and that is cate as a baby.
i had a dream last night. in my dream was a little, blonde-haired roman. he was so yummy. i was holding him to my chest, and rocking him saying, "i just want you so much", over and over.
i kid you not, this was my dream.
i am getting a little choked up even typing it. it was so real feeling. he felt so real.
i haven't been able to shake it all day, and have started crying a couple times seeing pictures of cute babies.
you guys, i need roman. like, now.
i am so sad, and just lonely.
tyler and i were on a walk with dottie the other night, and one of the houses we walked by had all the cozy lights on, and people throughout it, and it filled me with longing.
where are all the people to fill my house?
i know i haven't really updated the fertility situation. i reallllly lost it on that third month of clomid. i'm not on it anymore. i couldn't. and i'm not sure that i will be doing much more doctor stuff. at least not for now. i just can't live like that. it is so hard, i can't even express.
i just want to be happy.
tyler and i are probably going to start the adoption process here pretty soon. a couple in our ward adopted their baby (they can't have their own... and their little adopted girl is the cutest thing ever), and he was telling us, it's all about networking.
anyone want to give us a baby?
but seriously, keep your ears open for us.
cause remember this picture?
i neeeeeeed him. i really do.
ps- the guy also told us that when you adopt, you do get one thing that all those fertile couples don't. you get to take your sweet little baby to the temple, and place your hands on the altar all together, and be sealed as a family for eternity.
okay, crying again.