shoulder length hair inspiration... for ashley

don't be depressed ash. you have awesome hair... and after finding these pictures i'm pretty close to cutting my hair off. we'll make you look so cute, i promise. which ones do you like?

my current wish list

1. say yes to cucumbers facial wipes. i have been reading good things about these, and i just like the sound of them. i'm usually not a facial wipe person, but these are calling my name.

2. estee lauder idealist even skintone illuminator. the name says it all. yes please.

3. i love trying new mascaras, and this is cover girl's latest. really i'll try anything if they have drew barrymore in the ad.

4. ooohh, i just read about this, and i think it is made for me. it is for dark circles (and of course fine lines). it is an eye cream on bottom, and a concealer on top. they described it a lot better in the magazine.

5. mac- so chaud lipstick. i have never bought anything from mac, but i kinda want to go in there for a makeover, just to see what they would come up with. and i definitly want this lipstick.

6. this shirt looks so cozy and light to me (it is getting so hot).

7. i am on the lookout for a perfect pair of summer heels... something along these lines.

8. i so regret selling my dad our camera, and have decided after a weekend of using his, that i want one again.

9. do i really have to explain this one? if you know me at all, then i don't.

10. i want a piano so so bad. tyler has never let me get one because he doesn't want to have to move it. that argument no longer applies since he bought his safe, which weighs one million pounds. so guess who is going to get a piano? this girl.



wanna start your day laughing out loud?

then watch this...

don't worry there's no swearing.

tyler showed me this this morning and i was laughing so hard. i want to watch it over and over, and i think that grant should perform this at the reunion.

have a nice day!

ps- you can hear the guy filming him laughing so hard- ha.



be my litle baby

last night before bed, i was looking through kelly's "favorite posts", and i found this picture:

this picture always makes me tear up. it is right before my mission- a few months before my mom died. that is her looking over my shoulder. and that is cate as a baby.

i had a dream last night. in my dream was a little, blonde-haired roman. he was so yummy. i was holding him to my chest, and rocking him saying, "i just want you so much", over and over.

i kid you not, this was my dream.

i am getting a little choked up even typing it. it was so real feeling. he felt so real.

i haven't been able to shake it all day, and have started crying a couple times seeing pictures of cute babies.

you guys, i need roman. like, now.

i am so sad, and just lonely.

tyler and i were on a walk with dottie the other night, and one of the houses we walked by had all the cozy lights on, and people throughout it, and it filled me with longing.

where are all the people to fill my house?

i know i haven't really updated the fertility situation. i reallllly lost it on that third month of clomid. i'm not on it anymore. i couldn't. and i'm not sure that i will be doing much more doctor stuff. at least not for now. i just can't live like that. it is so hard, i can't even express.

i just want to be happy.

tyler and i are probably going to start the adoption process here pretty soon. a couple in our ward adopted their baby (they can't have their own... and their little adopted girl is the cutest thing ever), and he was telling us, it's all about networking.

soooo.....

anyone want to give us a baby?

but seriously, keep your ears open for us.

cause remember this picture?

i neeeeeeed him. i really do.

ps- the guy also told us that when you adopt, you do get one thing that all those fertile couples don't. you get to take your sweet little baby to the temple, and place your hands on the altar all together, and be sealed as a family for eternity.

okay, crying again.

I do not like to write - I like to have written. ~Gloria Steinem

i have been wanting to post about this book 4-eva.

it is a game changer.

it will literally change your life.

or maybe it won't, what do i know?

but it has, no is (i'm a work in progress) changing mine.

if you have a creative bone in your body, this book is for you.

it is so inspiring. it is so informative.

it describes exactly things about myself that i had never articulated, and then helps you to overcome those things.

one of the "exercises" that the author has you start doing from the beginning are 'morning pages'.

which are basically three written (not typed) pages, done by you, every morning. you can't stop writing to think, so they are just stream of consciousness. they literally empty your brain.

and some funny stuff comes out.

i have one full notebook of morning pages, and i was laughing so hard reading back through some of them.

here's a couple examples (all from different days):

*tyler is being good so far while i'm writing these because i told him i'd buy him a bug with some of my book money. i just read that last sentence out loud to him while i was writing it, and he corrected me by saying a "bad ass" bug. oh boy.

*last night he was talking about his ex-girlfriends and his life (which i can never get him to do).... after ty described charecteristics of kate and breanne, i asked what i was like. his response: huge, huge, knockers.... huge knockers, and a blocked fallopian tube.

*uh oh, tyler has now started doing crazy annoying crap. he is the worst. he is pushing my buttons and making me yell at him. next stop, getting out of my chair and storming across the room to strangle him. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. YES YES YES YES YES. sorry, that was the only way i could keep writing while tyler was driving me crazy. the yes's were because he asked me if i liked this pen better than him.

oh, good times. it honestly surprises me all the time how funny tyler is. he's sneaky about it.

but it's definitly not a good idea to try and do my pages while he is around. haha.

it does make for entertaining writing though.

i'm so glad i have this stuff written down, because i had totally forgotten it.

it's kinda like a journal, but way better, because you don't edit out all the good stuff.

I'm going to close with a select few of the basic principles that the author teaches in the book.

1. when we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator's creativity within us and our lives.

2. we are, ourselves, creations. and we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.

3. creativity is god's gift to us. using our creativity is our gift back to god.

4. the refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.

5. our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. as we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

inspired yet???

NO?

okay, then here is one more quote.....

Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountains; God composes, why shouldn't we? ~Terri Guillemets

okay, i really have to go now, because the dvd menu for the wedding singer is playing on a loop downstairs and it's driving me crazy.

also, i need to go start dinner.

we're having meatloaf, mashed potatoes, peas, biscuits, and an apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

and yes, it's from scratch.

jealous?

 i sure wish i had some of my family and friends over to enjoy it with.

nothing inspires me to work out like a fantastic pair of legs.... lunges here i come

i am coming out of my clomid haze... hallelujah.

after my last post about being so depressed and not being able to admit anything i was grateful for, my sister heather sent me an email. she said that she and her kids couldn't believe that i couldn't even be grateful for dottie! well, since i am starting to feel a little bit better, i decided to make a list of all the things i am grateful for right now. i haven't done a list in so long! i love lists.

1. have you ever seen the show "billy the exterminator"? tyler loves it and we have been waching it a ton. okay, so if you know griffin boice, you need to look up this show and watch it, because 'billy' looks exactly, exactly, like griffin. the funniest part is though, he has a world class mullet. no, the word mullet doesn't even do it justice, you just have to experience it. he also dresses in all black with like, metal spiked shoulders and gloves. it is soooo funny. it is like watching griffin in a halloween costume. i can't get over it.

2. tyler is a really good husband. (well, not right exactly now, cause he is being reaaallll bratty and demanding carrot cake to be delivered to him in bed... but other than right now, he's real good). as i might have mentioned once or twice, i have been crazy... and crazy depressed. not only did he buy me a new car to cheer me up, and take me on a real fun road trip (which i will blog about later), he is just so patient and loving with me. i threw a whopper of a tantrum on sunday. a reaaallll bad one. i blogged a long time ago about my dad experiencing my wrath for making us miss the mcdonald's breakfast. well tyler didn't let me go to sonic, and i reaallly wanted a chili cheese coney. (yes it was sunday, leave me alone). i flipped out. like, i was stomping my feet and screaming "i hate you!!!" at the top of my lungs. i wouldn't come upstairs with him, and i was major pouting. the whole time, through my like 2 hour tantrum, he was saying how he just wanted me to come spend time with him, and that he just wanted to be with me. then later that night, when i had (mostly) cooled off, he put his arm around me and told me that he just loved everything about me. and then as a bonus he called me pint-sized. this is why my mom loved him so much, because he really does love me so so much. it even blows me away sometimes. he just loves me. and i don't know for sure, but i think he might like it when i blow up :)

3. speaking of my dad and mcdonald's breakfast, he is coming to my house and staying the night on the way to his old fart fishing trip, and i am so excited!

4. also, in july we are having a big family reunion in utah and i get to see my sisters! okay and my brother too :)  i am just so excited to be with all my family. i love my family so much. summer is usually the time we all get to see each other and i can't wait.

5. did i mention that i live right by tahoe, and it's almost summer? tahoe in the summer is heaven on earth. tyler and i are discussing what hikes we want to go on... where we want to camp... etc. can't wait.

6. tyler and i are also discussing what little trips we want to take this summer/fall, and they include, but are not limited to: southern california, las vegas, bay area / giants baseball game, and yosemite.

7. my car is awesome.

8. dottie was hanging out in the backyard today, laying in the sun i assumed. i went out front to dump something in the big garbage can and as i rounded the corner by the backyard gate, i caught dottie red-handed. she was digging out under the gate and was laying on her side, half in the backyard and half in the front, pushing all her little paws so fast trying to make it through. i came around the corner and our eyes met, and she knew she was busted. she scrambled back to the backyard, and started shaking her little bum bum so hard, looking at me. she is so funny. she is my love. but she did get a little spanking for that one.

9. so you think you can dance. sigh. i got choked up when i started watching the first episode, because i just couldn't believe it was on again. i should've been a dancer.

okay, that's all for now. see, i'm grateful.