Friday, June 18, 2010

i am a freaking mess, and this post is my freaking therapy session

i think i am in the middle of a full mind and body meltdown.
so why not blog about it?
i'm hoping that this will help me get out some of the emotion that i'm supressing, so it can stop manifesting itself in physical ways.
i'm not saying that my migraine/dizziness/nasuea is all in my head, i just think it might have something to do with all the stress trapped in my body. but that''s just a theory.
i didn't even realize i had so much emotion tucked away until i was talking to heather today and started to tell her that i hadn't dealt with saying goodbye to the house yet, because each time i've left in the last couple of weeks, i've known that i was going back.
i started to tell her this, but was interrupted by a sob coming out of my mouth.
and now my typing was just interrupted by some more sobs.....
i just took a five minute sobbing break, so i guess blogging is in fact helping me release emotion.
i know i'm being totally depressing right now, so you can skip this post if you want.
WARNING: not for fair weather friends.
i must mention that during my sob break dottie came over and hugged me across my chest. she laid there and as i continued to cry, she started whining and then tried to lick the tears off my face. i swear she is the love of my life.
anyway, this weekend will be the last time at the house.
so i know this is probably a pity party that i'm having right now, and that some of you are thinking, 'big deal, it's just a house'. but it's not just a house, so lay off me.
most (27 year old) people would not be that phased by their childhood house being sold, but most people also weren't best friends with both their parents when they were a teenager. and most people have some other physical connection to their mom besides the house that she used to live in. like i said... pity party. you're all invited.
not to mention the fact that i'm going to miss my dad. i only got him for six months... but it was great while it lasted. it's his birthday today you know. happy birthday dad, i love you.

 okay, i feel super drained right now... peace out.

one last parting thought:
the movie 'fame' is really boring. i was quite dissapointed. i should have gotten 'valentine's day' instead :(


Mandi said...

oh sweet nicole ... i wish i was there to give you a big ole hug.

bBchronicles said...

Okay - this is NOTHING but a COVERUP, right?!?! Let's be honest . . . . it's really TYLARD who's driving you insane and I must (here and now) apologize because when he was really little I dropped him right on his head. So see, he can't help it! Get over her little girly-girl . . .let mamaBerta give you a BIG SQUEEEEEZZZZE. Between Dottie and I, we'll make it better!!!!!
Lub you tons - MomBERTA

PS. Dottie's GREAT therapy - she's helped me out many, many, many, many times - (remember, I'm married to Bob!)

Cindy said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, k? My parents had to sell the house we kids grew up in and it was really, really hard. I had been married for 20 years and had 5 children of my own. It turned out I couldn't be there on the 'say goodbye' day, and it ended up being a really good thing after all. I still have dreams from time to time about my growing up house, and I walk through it and can remember everything about it, even what was in the closets and cupboards! You will have those happy dreams too.

You sweetie!

oh, and PS: My Darla doggy doesn't like it when I cry and comes sits on my lap and tries to lick my tears! They are just furry humans, right?????!

ashleyboice said...

Nicole...My parents talked about selling our house when they left on this mission. It killed me...even just the thought of it. I can't imagine how much worse it must be for you...I know you can feel your mom when you go home. Not having your home won't stop you from feeling and remembering her...easier to say...then to actually have it happen to you, I know. :) I am so sorry you have to go through all I can say.

If Tyler gives you a hard time remind him how he didn't want his mom to remodel the kitchen because he would miss it. :)

I miss sorry.

p.s. My mom and your dad have the same birthday.

Kirsti said...

oh nicole...i will miss that house too...and your mom...and the fun memories there. it's not easy at all and i really think that it is ok to grieve it and totally healthy to. i'll see you this week and i can't wait to hug you. oh and dottie is so cute.

Kirsti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Corine said...

love you nicoleeeee

GRodenberg said...

sobs can come out of your mouth ANYtime and for ANY reason you want. i'm just glad i was far far away when they left. i kept choking back emotion the whole time i was there with you, and it wan't even my childhood house!

Anonymous said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................