Tuesday, February 02, 2010

warning: i'm feeling a little .... i can't think of a synonym for intense (but i can't say intense cause it's in the first sentence of the post)

i had the most intense dream about my mom the other night. the weird part was, she was driving me INSANE. she was like, bugging me about everything, involved in every detail in my life, and she wouldn't give me one second of breathing room. at one point i stormed out of the house to go running, just to escape from her, and she jumped on a bike and started following me down the street.
i literally felt like i was losing my mind.
the dream and the emotions of it were so intense that it actually woke me up. i couldn't go back to sleep, because i was thinking about why in the world i would have a dream like that about my mom, when in reality i miss her so much. i woke tyler up to tell him about it, and we decided that it was because that is how involved she must still be in my life... which led me to remember two things.
1). in the blessing my mission president gave me the day after my mom died he said that she is able to be with me more now than she was ever able to be with me while she was alive.
and 2). i realized that throughout the whole dream, i never actually saw her. weird right? i didn't even think about it in the dream because her presence was so strong... but i never got a visual.
ps- i had this dream the day before the anniversary of her death. 6 years. i can't believe it's been so long.

aaaanyways....
that's enough crazy dream talk for now.

on a lighter note,
i don't really have anything light to say right now actually.

but guess what? i was at lunch with my boss (she's a couple years younger than me and super cool), and out of nowhere she asks me what time i go to church. we haven't really talked about anything church related or religious, other than that i am teaching an early morning class, so i'm tired, and that i'm mormon. other than that, it hasn't come up. so i was like, 'on sunday?' i didn't understand what she was asking at first... but i figured it out and told her 1 oclock. then she says, 'i want to go to church with you.' isn't that just beautiful? i would have never ever thought she would say that.
as i drove home that night my heart just felt full of love for life. i soooo know that we were supposed to move to reno. i feel really blessed.

8 comments:

Kirsti said...

so cool about your boss! you are such a good example to everyone without even trying! and that dream about your mom is nuts! if she was alive she would drive you crazy on a daily basis! i don't think i ever knew that your mission president said that but it must make you feel so good. i bet you had that dream the day before her anniversary just to remind you that she is still with you. i love you and her and i can't believe that it has been 6 years. crazy.

Kirsti said...

also...call me cuz somehow i no longer have your number in my phone, it's weird. but i wanted to call you tonight even before i read this, so call me. i got my workout videos so it's on....skinny here we come.

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heather said...

nicole, i wish so bad that I lived closer to you and could enjoy your awesomeness more, and what a wonderful person you are. But I think I will just be thankful that I was blessed enough to have you as a sister and that you have to always and forever be my friend and visit me. I love you so much,a nd I am so proud of you in every way. No doubt mom is so right there in your life which is why you should not worry at all about the baby thing. She will make sure that it happens when it is right. don't ever get discouraged because satan is probably trying all he can to stop all the good that you are doing for all that come in contact with you. i love you and my bangs still look really cute. smile.

shauna.m. said...

i love u...i hink ur mom watches over all your friends...i really do....i miss you

Teija in PDX said...

Beautiful. I love you.

GRodenberg said...

SO call me

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