Friday, January 19, 2007

Sadness in my Heart

I made a discovery today. I am still 100% traumatized and affected by my mother's death. There is such a hole in my heart and in my life that can't be filled without her here. For so long I have pushed back my sadness, tried to suck it up, and be strong about it... and I am so tired. I have been anything but strong as I have weeped my way through the day. I miss her so much. So so much. How do you replace someone like her? It's impossible. You can't. Even though I know she is so happy and out of this imperfect world, I'm selfish and I want her here to love me and tell me how perfect I am. Anyone want to fill that position? haha

8 comments:

Grant McCaleb said...

it's like...

Grant McCaleb said...

that was kelly

GRodenberg said...

taking the risk that you'll say I'm trying to be your mother....I'll be your mother! I think you are perfect and love you and would cozy and read and watch movies with you if you were here! I just wish you would answer my calls! haha

sarawhat said...

I love you Nicole. This post made my eyes burn. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that kind of a loss before you were 60 years old. She is such a good Mom.. her baby daughter did no wrong. :)That's why she didn't like me, when we would get into trouble it must have been that new girls fault. :) I think your Mom was a riot.

Heather said...

Nicole, I got the opportunity to meet your mother once. She was like a special light that never burnt out. Kinda like you! I am sure she misses you just as much as you miss her. Isn't it nice to know that you will see her again soon. Let's hit the temple again some night. It sure was peaceful there. Hang in there. I don't know how it would be but I do know that her light still shines bright.

laurenblack said...

coco think of how she is partying with your kids and telling them of all the trouble to make when they come to this world. that is what i picture her doing. i miss her too she is an amazing woman with so much about her to love, and im sure she gets a big smile on her face when she see's all her children have accomplished. i miss you too and want you to do my hair. it is in need of help. hope you have a better day today.

Grant McCaleb said...

I SHALL FILL THE ROLE OF BEING YOUR MOTHERBOY.

nicole said...

i love you guys, thanks for your sweet (and funny) comments. It helps that I have the best fam and friends ever..