warning: i'm feeling a little .... i can't think of a synonym for intense (but i can't say intense cause it's in the first sentence of the post)

i had the most intense dream about my mom the other night. the weird part was, she was driving me INSANE. she was like, bugging me about everything, involved in every detail in my life, and she wouldn't give me one second of breathing room. at one point i stormed out of the house to go running, just to escape from her, and she jumped on a bike and started following me down the street.
i literally felt like i was losing my mind.
the dream and the emotions of it were so intense that it actually woke me up. i couldn't go back to sleep, because i was thinking about why in the world i would have a dream like that about my mom, when in reality i miss her so much. i woke tyler up to tell him about it, and we decided that it was because that is how involved she must still be in my life... which led me to remember two things.
1). in the blessing my mission president gave me the day after my mom died he said that she is able to be with me more now than she was ever able to be with me while she was alive.
and 2). i realized that throughout the whole dream, i never actually saw her. weird right? i didn't even think about it in the dream because her presence was so strong... but i never got a visual.
ps- i had this dream the day before the anniversary of her death. 6 years. i can't believe it's been so long.

aaaanyways....
that's enough crazy dream talk for now.

on a lighter note,
i don't really have anything light to say right now actually.

but guess what? i was at lunch with my boss (she's a couple years younger than me and super cool), and out of nowhere she asks me what time i go to church. we haven't really talked about anything church related or religious, other than that i am teaching an early morning class, so i'm tired, and that i'm mormon. other than that, it hasn't come up. so i was like, 'on sunday?' i didn't understand what she was asking at first... but i figured it out and told her 1 oclock. then she says, 'i want to go to church with you.' isn't that just beautiful? i would have never ever thought she would say that.
as i drove home that night my heart just felt full of love for life. i soooo know that we were supposed to move to reno. i feel really blessed.

one more again

1. seminary is awesome. really really good. i totally love the class, and am getting over my nervousness every morning. however, i am noticing a pattern with my days as far as that goes...
i wake up (that's going pretty good by the way) and go to seminary, and i'm feeling great. after my lesson, i still feel great, and like it went well. but then throughout the course of the day i start to doubt myself... and by the time i am home at night and preparing my lesson for the next day, i feel like i am a worthless excuse for a teacher. [insert extreme humility]. i am reeeaaaalllly feeling the weight of the responsibility that i have to teach these kids. so, i guess that's good, but i could do without the anxiety attacks every night.
i think i just need a spiritual confirmation that i really am the one that is supposed to be teaching the class (which i am doubting every day...).

2. on a lighter note, i am very excited for kelly to come in 1.5 weeks to visit for the weekend. we plan on eating delicious food and thrifting.... and giggling... and singing accapella harmonies to songs like "alone" by heart.

3. i am so proud of my mother-in-law, who has been asked to travel with, and take pictures for, a PBS show. i married into such a talented family, it blows my mind.

4. tyler's talent is bossing.

5. just kidding.

6. i talked to kirsti today and we are putting ourselves on a strict workout regime for the next five months in preperation for our 10 year high school reunion. our hope is that being accountable to each other will help us stay on track. cause if there is one thing that kirsti and i do for each other, it's keep each other in line.... [insert sarcasm]

7. i feel like i'm being super blessed. i always feel like that, but even more so lately. for instance... through my job, i met a lady who has published over 10 novels. she hasn't written anything in a couple years, but she is back writing and is currently working on a young adult novel. [insert fate]. people: she has an editor... and a publisher... and author friends... and was really excited when i told her i'm writing a book. she said we'll have to get together. like seriously, blessings fall into my lap.

8. have i mentioned yet that dana carvey is coming to town? one night only, valentine's day, at the nugget... and guess who's going??? dad, kathi. tyler, and myself! well isn't that special. [insert the church lady's voice].

9. snoop dogg was in town last sunday night doing a show, but my dad didn't get the tickets in time.

10. kidding again.

okay, update complete.

updates ya'll

1. yesterday was mine and tyler's 4 year anniversary. hooray for us. we usually go somewhere, but this time we just stayed home. it was actually a pretty perfect day. we just spent all day together and hung out... went out for meals.... decided against seeing a movie and just got a red box and some ice cream... and ty was real sweet.. (like when we were dating sweet, which is rare).

2. my job is going really well... i am now working in the office as a leasing agent in addition to cleaning. what can i say? i move up the ranks pretty quickly.

3. i have come down from the shock of my calling, and now i am really excited. i don't start until monday, but i went this morning to meet them, and get the manual and what not. i think the current/ex teacher was a little miffed that he is not going to be teaching anymore. and i think he's a little worried about the job i'm going to do. that is if he actually meant all those little comments he made- ha. he obviously doesn't realize that i'm the bomb.

4. i feel like i love so many people.... but unfortunately none of them live anywhere near me. (excluding my close by family, of course, and tyler of course... i merely meant to say that i seem to be irritated at every human i come in contact with all day long).

5. jimmy kimmel is soooo funny. he has the best intro monologues in the biz.

6. dad and kathi are coming to town tomorrow bright and early for a delicious breakfast out and a full day of garage and estate saleing. can't wait... for breakfast. just kidding, i can't wait for all of it, but let's be honest... i love food.

7. i am so grateful for the invention of ... what would i do without ... ? for those of you who are trying to figure that out i mean the dot dot dot, trailing off, writing phenomena. it's sweeping the nation.

8. kelly sent me the funniest youtube video of a rap-off between voldemort and harry potter. it is so funny. you should try and find it. i know i could find it for you and link to it, but i have neither the time, nor the inclination.
ps- i feel like "rap-off" isn't the correct term, but i cannot for the life of me think of what it really is called. "rap-off" sounds so "white", doesn't it? and here i've always prided myself on my ethnic slang.

9. let's see... what else can i say...
ummm, i think i'm all out of material. so leave me a comment, and i'll get back to you. BEEP.

ooooh boy

i got a new calling.
i knew it was gonna be trouble when a member of the stake presidency wanted to meet with me.
but i never thought it would be this...
early morning seminary teacher.
brutal.
i start in one week.
wish me luck.