coco dependence

this is a real hard post... and my last one

2012-01-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

i have been avoiding this announcment, but i think it's time to make it.

tyler and i are getting a divorce.

gosh, that is horrible to even type out.

it has been a very hard decision to make, but i know it will be for the best for both of us.

i wish tyler every happiness in his life.

i will miss him and his beautiful family.

okay totally crying....

anywho,

i won't be continuing this blog any longer.

i will probably, eventually, start another one that will be private.

if you would like an invite to it, just email me.

well, i guess this is goodbye.

thanks for reading.

love, nicole

dear friends and family,

2011-10-26T18:16:00.000-07:00

there are many many of you that i have been needing/wanting to get ahold of, and/or call/text/email back. i apologize. please know that i love you, and think about everyone i am blessed with in my life every day. i am hanging in there and ask for your understanding in getting back to you as i am able.

this probably sounds real dramatic, but i feel guilty.

sincerely, nicole

ty put this as our desktop background in honor of me- ha.

2011-10-25T23:34:00.001-07:00

my happy place

2011-10-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

i have lots more pictures to post from our trip to the ocean/redwoods.

coming soon...

sixteen, no, twenty-nine candles

2011-09-24T14:21:00.000-07:00

hair: inspired by kirsti. she has made me fall in love with high ponytails all over again. except, just like in elementary school, they make my scalp ache after a couple hours.

lips: remember my wish list? so chaud by mac. love it.

eyes: hand selected by a team of julie, kirsti, and me at urban outfitters. cheapest frames ever to put my prescription in.

29, and feeling fine.

well, feeling fine about the age part. but i did just have a 30 minute sobbing session. i told tyler... this is why i spend my birthday alone- no expectations. birthdays are both my best and worst day. it's complicated. but, now i am feeling on the up, and we have made a game plan to my liking. so i'm off.

birthday breakfast at mcdonald's this morning. yes, i chose mcdonald's.

ps- one of my all-time favorite michael scott quotes....

"i've always been good with older women. in fact, for a long time my grandma was my best friend.... then she met harriet. now she thinks she's better than everyone."

it's called survival mode....

2011-08-23T17:20:00.000-07:00

and it's where i've been living for 1-2 months.

this is the first time i could even bring myself to post.

am i the only one that cannot find it in myself to post about normal things when everything is not normal?

also, i know that i look a little pregnant here.... but don't worry. not pregnant.

hopefully "normal" posts will be resuming shortly.

shoulder length hair inspiration... for ashley

2011-06-26T14:55:00.000-07:00

don't be depressed ash. you have awesome hair... and after finding these pictures i'm pretty close to cutting my hair off. we'll make you look so cute, i promise. which ones do you like?

my current wish list

2011-06-25T09:09:00.000-07:00

1. say yes to cucumbers facial wipes. i have been reading good things about these, and i just like the sound of them. i'm usually not a facial wipe person, but these are calling my name.

2. estee lauder idealist even skintone illuminator. the name says it all. yes please.

3. i love trying new mascaras, and this is cover girl's latest. really i'll try anything if they have drew barrymore in the ad.

4. ooohh, i just read about this, and i think it is made for me. it is for dark circles (and of course fine lines). it is an eye cream on bottom, and a concealer on top. they described it a lot better in the magazine.

5. mac- so chaud lipstick. i have never bought anything from mac, but i kinda want to go in there for a makeover, just to see what they would come up with. and i definitly want this lipstick.

6. this shirt looks so cozy and light to me (it is getting so hot).

7. i am on the lookout for a perfect pair of summer heels... something along these lines.

8. i so regret selling my dad our camera, and have decided after a weekend of using his, that i want one again.

9. do i really have to explain this one? if you know me at all, then i don't.

10. i want a piano so so bad. tyler has never let me get one because he doesn't want to have to move it. that argument no longer applies since he bought his safe, which weighs one million pounds. so guess who is going to get a piano? this girl.

wanna start your day laughing out loud?

2011-06-23T08:42:00.000-07:00

then watch this...

don't worry there's no swearing.

tyler showed me this this morning and i was laughing so hard. i want to watch it over and over, and i think that grant should perform this at the reunion.

have a nice day!

ps- you can hear the guy filming him laughing so hard- ha.

be my litle baby

2011-06-15T22:32:00.000-07:00

last night before bed, i was looking through kelly's "favorite posts", and i found this picture:

this picture always makes me tear up. it is right before my mission- a few months before my mom died. that is her looking over my shoulder. and that is cate as a baby.

i had a dream last night. in my dream was a little, blonde-haired roman. he was so yummy. i was holding him to my chest, and rocking him saying, "i just want you so much", over and over.

i kid you not, this was my dream.

i am getting a little choked up even typing it. it was so real feeling. he felt so real.

i haven't been able to shake it all day, and have started crying a couple times seeing pictures of cute babies.

you guys, i need roman. like, now.

i am so sad, and just lonely.

tyler and i were on a walk with dottie the other night, and one of the houses we walked by had all the cozy lights on, and people throughout it, and it filled me with longing.

where are all the people to fill my house?

i know i haven't really updated the fertility situation. i reallllly lost it on that third month of clomid. i'm not on it anymore. i couldn't. and i'm not sure that i will be doing much more doctor stuff. at least not for now. i just can't live like that. it is so hard, i can't even express.

i just want to be happy.

tyler and i are probably going to start the adoption process here pretty soon. a couple in our ward adopted their baby (they can't have their own... and their little adopted girl is the cutest thing ever), and he was telling us, it's all about networking.

soooo.....

anyone want to give us a baby?

but seriously, keep your ears open for us.

cause remember this picture?

i neeeeeeed him. i really do.

ps- the guy also told us that when you adopt, you do get one thing that all those fertile couples don't. you get to take your sweet little baby to the temple, and place your hands on the altar all together, and be sealed as a family for eternity.

okay, crying again.

I do not like to write - I like to have written. ~Gloria Steinem

2011-06-14T17:42:00.000-07:00

i have been wanting to post about this book 4-eva.

it is a game changer.

it will literally change your life.

or maybe it won't, what do i know?

but it has, no is (i'm a work in progress) changing mine.

if you have a creative bone in your body, this book is for you.

it is so inspiring. it is so informative.

it describes exactly things about myself that i had never articulated, and then helps you to overcome those things.

one of the "exercises" that the author has you start doing from the beginning are 'morning pages'.

which are basically three written (not typed) pages, done by you, every morning. you can't stop writing to think, so they are just stream of consciousness. they literally empty your brain.

and some funny stuff comes out.

i have one full notebook of morning pages, and i was laughing so hard reading back through some of them.

here's a couple examples (all from different days):

*tyler is being good so far while i'm writing these because i told him i'd buy him a bug with some of my book money. i just read that last sentence out loud to him while i was writing it, and he corrected me by saying a "bad ass" bug. oh boy.

*last night he was talking about his ex-girlfriends and his life (which i can never get him to do).... after ty described charecteristics of kate and breanne, i asked what i was like. his response: huge, huge, knockers.... huge knockers, and a blocked fallopian tube.

*uh oh, tyler has now started doing crazy annoying crap. he is the worst. he is pushing my buttons and making me yell at him. next stop, getting out of my chair and storming across the room to strangle him. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. YES YES YES YES YES. sorry, that was the only way i could keep writing while tyler was driving me crazy. the yes's were because he asked me if i liked this pen better than him.

oh, good times. it honestly surprises me all the time how funny tyler is. he's sneaky about it.

but it's definitly not a good idea to try and do my pages while he is around. haha.

it does make for entertaining writing though.

i'm so glad i have this stuff written down, because i had totally forgotten it.

it's kinda like a journal, but way better, because you don't edit out all the good stuff.

I'm going to close with a select few of the basic principles that the author teaches in the book.

1. when we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator's creativity within us and our lives.

2. we are, ourselves, creations. and we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.

3. creativity is god's gift to us. using our creativity is our gift back to god.

4. the refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.

5. our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. as we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

inspired yet???

NO?

okay, then here is one more quote.....

Ink on paper is as beautiful to me as flowers on the mountains; God composes, why shouldn't we? ~Terri Guillemets

okay, i really have to go now, because the dvd menu for the wedding singer is playing on a loop downstairs and it's driving me crazy.

also, i need to go start dinner.

we're having meatloaf, mashed potatoes, peas, biscuits, and an apple pie with vanilla ice cream.

and yes, it's from scratch.

jealous?

i sure wish i had some of my family and friends over to enjoy it with.

nothing inspires me to work out like a fantastic pair of legs.... lunges here i come

2011-06-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

i am coming out of my clomid haze... hallelujah.

2011-06-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

after my last post about being so depressed and not being able to admit anything i was grateful for, my sister heather sent me an email. she said that she and her kids couldn't believe that i couldn't even be grateful for dottie! well, since i am starting to feel a little bit better, i decided to make a list of all the things i am grateful for right now. i haven't done a list in so long! i love lists.

1. have you ever seen the show "billy the exterminator"? tyler loves it and we have been waching it a ton. okay, so if you know griffin boice, you need to look up this show and watch it, because 'billy' looks exactly, exactly, like griffin. the funniest part is though, he has a world class mullet. no, the word mullet doesn't even do it justice, you just have to experience it. he also dresses in all black with like, metal spiked shoulders and gloves. it is soooo funny. it is like watching griffin in a halloween costume. i can't get over it.

2. tyler is a really good husband. (well, not right exactly now, cause he is being reaaallll bratty and demanding carrot cake to be delivered to him in bed... but other than right now, he's real good). as i might have mentioned once or twice, i have been crazy... and crazy depressed. not only did he buy me a new car to cheer me up, and take me on a real fun road trip (which i will blog about later), he is just so patient and loving with me. i threw a whopper of a tantrum on sunday. a reaaallll bad one. i blogged a long time ago about my dad experiencing my wrath for making us miss the mcdonald's breakfast. well tyler didn't let me go to sonic, and i reaallly wanted a chili cheese coney. (yes it was sunday, leave me alone). i flipped out. like, i was stomping my feet and screaming "i hate you!!!" at the top of my lungs. i wouldn't come upstairs with him, and i was major pouting. the whole time, through my like 2 hour tantrum, he was saying how he just wanted me to come spend time with him, and that he just wanted to be with me. then later that night, when i had (mostly) cooled off, he put his arm around me and told me that he just loved everything about me. and then as a bonus he called me pint-sized. this is why my mom loved him so much, because he really does love me so so much. it even blows me away sometimes. he just loves me. and i don't know for sure, but i think he might like it when i blow up :)

3. speaking of my dad and mcdonald's breakfast, he is coming to my house and staying the night on the way to his old fart fishing trip, and i am so excited!

4. also, in july we are having a big family reunion in utah and i get to see my sisters! okay and my brother too :) i am just so excited to be with all my family. i love my family so much. summer is usually the time we all get to see each other and i can't wait.

5. did i mention that i live right by tahoe, and it's almost summer? tahoe in the summer is heaven on earth. tyler and i are discussing what hikes we want to go on... where we want to camp... etc. can't wait.

6. tyler and i are also discussing what little trips we want to take this summer/fall, and they include, but are not limited to: southern california, las vegas, bay area / giants baseball game, and yosemite.

7. my car is awesome.

8. dottie was hanging out in the backyard today, laying in the sun i assumed. i went out front to dump something in the big garbage can and as i rounded the corner by the backyard gate, i caught dottie red-handed. she was digging out under the gate and was laying on her side, half in the backyard and half in the front, pushing all her little paws so fast trying to make it through. i came around the corner and our eyes met, and she knew she was busted. she scrambled back to the backyard, and started shaking her little bum bum so hard, looking at me. she is so funny. she is my love. but she did get a little spanking for that one.

9. so you think you can dance. sigh. i got choked up when i started watching the first episode, because i just couldn't believe it was on again. i should've been a dancer.

okay, that's all for now. see, i'm grateful.

i'm sooooooo excited!!!!!!

2011-05-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

alternate post titles included:

- if i can't have kids at least i can have a kick-a$$ car!
- i have the bestest husband ever!
- nothing gets you out of a depression like a new car!

i feel so happy right now. i haven't felt any inkling of happiness in a couple weeks, so this is pretty big news. my depression/anger has been significant, and so foreign to me. even when bad things are happening, i can usually crank up a song, or go through a drive thru, or watch a show, or get into a book (you get the idea), and be totally happy. i honestly could not do that this time. i felt empty inside. well, other than the anger. heathie, you talked in your post about just thinking of everything you were grateful for.... i am usually sooo good at that, but i couldn't even do it. i couldn't admit one thing i was grateful for. i really think it was the clomid and not me.... that's what kelly said. but knowing that didn't neccesarily make it any easier.

anywhooooo,
tyler has been so wonderful. so supportive and loving... and i am not lovable right now. friday night he asked me if i needed a little trip, and i brattily nodded my head yes. so he said, okay let's start planning one. then sat/sun we started talking (again) about if i should get a new car. so he took me on a little excursion to test drive one here, and started some extensive internet research looking for (literally) my dream car. they (i am specific/picky) are hard to find, lemme tell you!! in fact, the only one we could find (including brand new dealership ones) was in seattle.

soooooo,
we are combining the two (the getaway and the car). we've been one the phone/computer all morning, and it's official. would you like to see my new car??

my heart is fluttering even uploading the pictures.
it's a 2010 subaru impreza wrx wagon.
and it is sososososososooooooo fast. we test drove one here, and when i pressed the gas (i was only in second gear and shot up to 60 in like two seconds), i literally said "holy sh##!"- with the salesman in the car. it's amazing. so fun.
is tyler not the best?
he really really is taking care of his crazy wife.

i just booked the plane tickets... we fly out saturday late afternoon, and get the car right away. then we'll spend that night in seattle, and take 2-3 days to drive home through portland and ashland etc.
i can't wait.
it feels so good to be happy again :)

ps- don't worry... i know that lasting happiness is not based on fast "dream" cars, but they sure help :)

as kelly so eloquently put it... i am clomiderific

2011-05-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

i haven't dared blog, because who knows what i'll put on here. i am kind of quarantining myself. but just wanted to check in and say what's up while i'm in a rare moment of feeling normal/borderline happy. the last couple of weeks have been not so happy. i've decided that mother's day is pretty sucky when your mom is dead and you are infertile. i'm going through a real angry phase. and a real depressed phase. kelly tells me to not trust any of my emotions right now, so i'm trying to keep that in mind. well, i better stop talking before i really get going. hopefully i'll be back on my game soon.

schools in, sucka

2011-04-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

hot tip: did you know that you can buy 'u can't touch this' on itunes for 69 cents?
i'd get on that if i were you.
that song is kelly's ringtone on my phone.
have you listened to it in awhile? cause i guarantee that it will make your day. there is no way to not be happy when you are listening to that song.
what's even better you ask?
watching the video...

the best part about this is the first comment that someone left on youtube:

"MC Hammer should be a secuirity guard at an art musuem… “Can’t touch this”"

good one uroblaster.

does anyone want to come over and practice these dance moves? cause i am seriously going to learn and practice all of them. i have to catch up to kelly, who is already pretty proficient.

how awesome would it be to go to an aerobics class where they did all 90's dance moves to songs like this? i would freaking love that.

would mc hammer not be the best halloween costume? and have a couple of girls in bike shorts and sports bras with you? or maybe i'm like 20 years too late for that to be funny. haha.

sisters: can't you see heathie's big buns in those bike shorts and sports bra doing those dances? i was laughing so hard imagining that. although, the more i think about it, i think that those images are from my memory, not my imagination. smile, heathie :)

speaking of laughing so hard... watching this reminded me of the in living color skit where tommy davidson spoofed mc hammer. classic. i was dying watching this, while tyler rolled his eyes at me. maybe you have to grow up watching in living color??

have a good day!

strike that, reverse it.

2011-04-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

        i didn't end up taking a break from clomid.
        right after i posted that i got a stern talking to from ms. ashley boice, giving me some tough love. now friends and family, don't read this and think you're allowed to give me tough love... nine times out of ten, i don't respond well. but in this instance it was needed, and it was inspired. i love love ashley. have i mentioned that like a million times before?
        anyway, at the end of the talk she made me promise to at least talk to the doctor about it before i decided for sure. and then the coolest thing happened. let me back up- the main three things that i was stressed about were, a. money, b. needing to be back on metformin, but the doc still wanted me to be retested first, and c. she was going to double my dose of clomid... and if it was double of the first month- yikes. so, after i talked to ashley my doctor's nurse called, and without me saying anything said, a. that she wanted me to come in for a sonogram to make sure i was ready for round two free of charge, b. put me immediately back on metformin, and c. keep me at the same level of clomid another month. inspired much?
        so long story short... i'm back on metformin and i feel soooo good about that. you know how you just know your body? i know i needed that. also, i have already taken my second round of clomid (last week), and i am feeling really good. i'm working out, my anxiety is way down, and i haven't gained any weight (besides the like three pounds that i gained since the beginning). however my hot flashes are soooooo bad this round. it is seriously the worst. if i had never had them i would think, what could possibly be so bad about a hot flash? but lemme tell you, it is the worst. it's almost a flu feeling. that super hot, then cold, then hot, full body flush... no flush isn't a big enough word. more like tidal wave. sweaty upper lip, naseous, can't sleep because you are so uncomfortable.... you get the picture. yuck. but that has started to calm down a bit.

         okay, but here is my advice for you:
do not rent mean girls 2 from red box. big mistake.
instead, watch on netflix, ten things i hate about you- the abcfamily tv show. so so funny. like i literally want to blog quotes from it. you think at first it's going to be super cheesy lame (like mean girls 2), but the writing is actually really funny and witty. the guy that plays cameron is hilarious. okay, i have to blog just one quote.
        the girl who plays kat is trying to make her volvo a bio-diesel, so she is using the shop at school, which is full of boys who thinks she can't do it. the teacher says some real condescending/sexist stuff to her, and she goes, "i'm sorry is this shop or 1952?". then when all the guys are making bets, they are all betting against her, which will mess up the money pool, so she says she'll bet on herself.... to which the guy responds, "careful, you could buy a lot of tampons with that money".
         i am laughing so hard right now typing these out. you are probably not laughing at all. but i am really laughing. aaaaahhhh, good times.
         i feel like kelly is probably shaking her head reading this, cause she gets so mad when i try to tell her about shows. but if you know me, you know that telling people about shows and funny lines is my number one favorite thing to do.
        okay, i have to go, cause i really have to finish watching castle. (one time castle was so good that i did a whole scene for tyler.... and if you're not watching castle, you should be..... start at season one).

in case you didn't hear, i'm not pregnant. i repeat, not pregnant.

2011-04-03T22:32:00.000-07:00

i'm okay. i really am.
however, i think that i am going to take a month or two off from clomid and doctor's appointments. if i didn't then i would be starting clomid tomorrow... and it would be double the dosage of last month.
that makes me have an anxiety attack just thinking about it. i am just having major major anxiety right now.... and kelly's asleep so i can't talk to her about it, and i feel real weird.

i don't know what happened. i was feeling so good while we were listening to conference. i love general conference. i love how it makes me feel. but i've been on a downward spiral since it finished.
i feel like maybe i should just go to bed... but honestly i've been sleeping like, all day. i can usually never take naps, but i took like a 3 hour one yesterday after work, and then 2 different ones today. and i'm sleeping in late. i just feel so tired. or maybe depressed?
but it's all good, cause i've got back up plans. my back up plan involves lots and lots of gym time. i just want to run and run and run, until i'm too tired to have anxiety.
i think after a month off of the crazy pills, i will be in a good place again, and then we can do round two. also i really think that i need to get back on metformin, so i'm going to work on that.

i feel like this post is all over the place, but maybe my mind is all over the place. i think i just need a good cry. i haven't cried since i found out that i wasn't pregnant. i think maybe i put the lock down on my emotions. i kind of had to because right after i found out, i had to go to work all day. the only time i got teary eyed was when one of the girls i work with, senicia, (who i love) brought me in the hugest arrangment of the most beautiful flowers in a vase. and a big costco muffin. i was in the middle of curling a girl's hair, and was racking my brain trying to figure out how she even knew, because i hadn't told anyone at work anything. she told me she had just read it on facebook. she said she was sorry and that she loved me, and not to give up. i have seriously never received so many, or such beautiful flowers from anyone- including my husband. is that the sweetest thing you have ever heard? that's the kind of person that i want to be.

on a serious note (cause this post is so lighthearted- ha), can i just say how much i love the gospel and this church. what would i do without it? i have no doubt in my mind of the reality of my heavenly father and jesus christ, and that they love me, and are with me throughout this ordeal. seriously, no doubt. not even a little. what did it say in that one talk about looking back on trials? i'm pretty sure it was elder uchtdorf, and it was something about looking back on the trial with a bittersweet fondness, but that's not right. now it's gonna bug me, so i have to look it up. one sec....
found it:
"I remember this time with a sort of sad fondness. While I would not be eager to relive those days of trial and trouble, I have little doubt that the lessons I learned were a necessary preparation for future opportunity. Now, many years later, I know this for a certainty: it is often in the trial of adversity that we learn those most critical lessons that form our character and shape our destiny."

that's from uchtdorf's talk, two principles for any economy. i had to write tyler's sacrament talk from that talk. haha. but obviously i learned a little something while doing it.
anyway, back to what i was saying... i feel like this is a bittersweet time. it is so so hard, not gonna lie. i feel crazy. i feel anxious. i feel sad. i feel fat. i feel tired. i feel discouraged. i feel broken.
but i also feel like i am being tutored by the spirit. i feel like school is in session, you know what i mean? i am being taught. i am being humbled. i am being refined. and i cannot be anything but grateful for all of my blessings. any trials that we go through bring us closer to christ, who suffered ALL things. everything.
one of my favorite sections of scripture is d&c 122.

"know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. the son of man hath descended below them all. art thou geater than he?"

that line always gets me. art thou greater than he?
anyway, i feel better now. thanks for letting me talk it out guys.
i better go to bed. i've only gotten 12 hours of sleep today :)

times they are a changin'

2011-03-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

okay, so since it's the first thing everyone asks me.... i don't know if i'm pregnant yet. i can take a pregnancy test in a week. i kinda feel like i am, but that is dumb to admit out loud. but i really kinda do. i am trying to allow myself to be hopeful.... but trying not to get my hopes up. there's a difference.

also in big news, i asked to be released from seminary. it was so so hard for me to do... and i feel like i really had to be knocked down to the point where i would even do it, but now that it's done i feel such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. and i am getting some much needed rest. i really wouldn't have had the courage to do it if not for terri bell. matt and julie flew in a week ago saturday and spent the night. on sunday terri and gary came to pick them up and ended up staying for a couple of hours and hanging out. i was making cookies and terri came in the kitchen to talk to me and i just started sobbing, and poured out everything to her. she was so wonderful and gave me like a 2 hour pep talk, and said she wasn't leaving until we called whoever we needed to, to get me released from my calling. she said that after my mission she told me she would be my mom, but that she hadn't been able to make good on it, and she was going to now. and boy did she ever. i really felt like she just swooped into my house like a messenger from heaven, and that she was standing in place as my mom and telling me everything that i needed to hear. thank you terri!

and can i just say how much i love julie? i miss you real bad julie. i want you to come visit again. julie is like the most supportive friend in the world. and she knows and loves my handwriting... which makes me feel really special. and i really love her dog and husband. and she taught tyler how to sew. and she sewed up the holes in my skirt. she is just the best.

also in big news, in one week i will be going down to part time at work. i can't wait. so instead of working tues-sat. i will only work thursday, friday, and saturday. i just really needed to simplify my life. i was so tired, i can't even express. in fact the day i asked to be released i had tyler give me a blessing (cause i was a mess, big time, and cried all day).... and in it he said like 3-4 different times, your body needs rest... you need to rest. yes please. so that's exactly what i've been doing. all i want to do is sleep and eat. like i would love to just get back in bed right now and sleep all day. that sounds delicious. alas, i need to exercise. and i am going to make myself do it today.... even though i really just want to lay down.

in horrible news, tyler says that as soon as i find out i'm pregnant, no more diet coke. [picture a lone tear drop running down my face]. i say, maybe just a little??? he says, if i eat healthy then our baby will be in a wheelchair until it's eight, but then be able to walk. but if i sneak cheetos and diet coke, that it will be in a wheelchair for life. he says i can eat fruit and carrots. i say, i have a feeling i'm gonna be doing some sneaking.

this is seriously the funniest thing ever. i can't stop watching it.

2011-03-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

well... i'm a semi-fertile mertile

2011-03-11T11:01:00.000-08:00

i just want to throw a quick update out there.
i am completely overwhelmed by the love and support everyone is giving me. even people i don't know. i am crying as i type this. you guys are the bomb. you have no idea how much it is helping me.
it's like i can literally feel your prayers for me. thank you.
i feel like i am being so blessed... so many tender mercies.
it's the same kind of feeling i had after my mom passed away, where i feel like, yes, i do have to go through this, but that heavenly father is literally blessing everything around it. i feel loved.
i am day five of chlomid (you only take five a cycle) and for the most part, i have had none of the side effects i was scared of. i feel great. it's unbelievable. not saying that i still won't have anything, but so far so good.
i just got back from the hopital this morning where i had my HSG (dye test). it checks to see if your fallopian tubes are blocked. do you want the good news first, or the bad news? ok, good first.
my left fallopian tube is totally open and unblocked.
bad: my right one is completely blocked.
so it's good. it could have been way worse, and i can still get prego from one ovary.... but it didn't stop me from crying the whole way home. anyway, i could go on, but you get the picture.
i love you guys. i have the best friends and family ever.

infertile mertile

2011-03-03T21:21:00.000-08:00

well, i feel like i should probably post. i could literally talk your ear off right now, but i don't have the time because i'm tired and i need to do much before bed. so i'll just get to the most important stuff.

things have been progressing with the fertililty situation, and i will be starting chlomid in the next couple of days.

i am:

1. trying to think positive.
2. terrified of gaining weight. i can't go down that road. i just can't. i will run on the treadmill until i puke if neccesary.
3. terrified of how crazy i am going to be. what if i start screaming at the seminary kids or something? what if i tell one of my hair clients that if they don't like it they can get the hell out? i mean, these are real possibilities people.
4. wondering how i am going to be crazy hormonal, going to many more doctor's appointments, dealing with being emotionally paralyzed after those appointments, and still keep up my already completely full life. and by full i mean alarm going off at 5 in the morning... and getting home for the day after work at 8 at night. something's gotta give.
5. so, so scared of allowing myself to hope. everything in me fights against it. if i think for a split second about being pregnant after the first month of chlomid, i immediately shut it down and tell myself not to go there, it's not going to happen. because if i let myself believe it will, even for a second, that hope will implant itself in the back of my mind... and it will then destroy me when it doesn't happen.
6. starting to cry when i see cute blonde children. i have never been like this. at stake conference last sunday, we were seriously surrounded by the cutest ever blonde babies, toddlers, and ten year olds. i cried. a lot.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, pray for me. i have finally opened up this can of worms and i am realizing why i have been ignoring it for so long. it is painful. and emotional. and scary. but i know that this is what i am supposed to be doing. i cannot not do this any longer, you know?

alright, i'm tired and emotional. more to come.

what's that you say? you want to see a million pictures?

2011-02-13T16:32:00.000-08:00

kelly cate and i had the best best trip. here is photographic evidence to support that claim.

we spent the most beautiful couple of hours at camp richardson out on the pier. it almost felt like summer. almost.

these pictures make me so happy.

keep in mind that any pictures of kelly and i together were taken by cate, age 7.

isn't she good?

ps- when tyler (who didn't come to tahoe) saw these pictures he said, "are you wearing sweats?!?" haha. yes, i'm wearing sweats. but apparently the cashier at 7-11 likes sweats. wink.

we also had the most amazing trip to the attic (thrift store) while we were in tahoe. such a perfect day.

i love this picture. i could meditate to this picture.

i love this picture of kelly. it reminds me of a mix of jackie o. and my mom.

i laughed so hard at this picture. perfect scarf placement.

kelly busted out this sweet move

which resulted in the pulling of several muscles

of course we had to eat at red hut. yum.

guess who's coming for dinner??

2011-02-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

guess what??
kelly and cate are driving here right this minute. i'm guessing they're in elko about now. yay!! remember how i said i was really needing a sister?? my wish is their command.
actually, kelly's birthday present to herself is usually a trip to come see me. i'm kind of a big deal.
i can't wait. i'm very excited. and so is dottie, the queen of dogs. (that's what cate calls her).
we plan on doing plenty of exercising, eating, highlighting (of hair), talking, giggling, diet coke drinking, seminary teaching, thrifting, and movie watching. jealous?

also, i went to the doctor! it was really hard for me and i was paralyzed in my bed the rest of the day, but i did it! the ball is officially rolling. i didn't go to the specialist yet, just the ob/gyn, but i love her, and i think we are going to make a lot of progress, while still being covered insurance wise. i'll give updates as they come.

so, the greatest thing happened to me. dana carvey hosted snl last week. to a girl like me that is saturday night live's biggest fan, that is the best thing ever. loved it. so so funny. i mean, the opening skit was wayne's world with mike meyers, jon lovitz showed up in the monologue, and justin beiber was the guest on church chat with the church lady. sigh. wonderful.

well, i'm just home on a break from work, and i gotta get cleaning for the lovely ladies i will be entertaining later.

ps- tyler turns 30 in a week! we are so old!

anniversary cards

2011-01-25T20:10:00.000-08:00

okay, i thought for sure that i would win with this one for the best card. i feel like this perfectly portrays our relationship. (tyler is the dog and i am the cat).

inside reads:

the best relationships are the challenging ones.

perfect, right?

well tyler beat me.

pictured below is his card to me. i laughed for like five minutes straight. and then every time i thought about it i would start laughing again.

in fact when i was just taking the picture of it, it made me laugh out loud.

inside reads:

thought you might enjoy a quickie

wouldn't you agree he won?

on a different note, happy birthday to kelly my sister of 28 years and best friend.

i will be doing a dedicatory post real soon, probably tomorrow.

dottie = team jacob

2011-01-24T20:24:00.000-08:00

we all know that dottie likes tv... but she doesn't just like eclipse- she LOVES it.

i turned it off when it was over and she whined and pushed on me until i started it again for her.

she goes nutso over the wolves.

i pretty much have the coolest, twilight loving dog ever.

warning: you might want to watch the volume, cause she goes high pitch bark crazy.

i swear, she's worse than a tween.

i'm feeling churchy

2011-01-23T19:16:00.000-08:00

church today was so amazing. you know those sundays where you are just really feeling it?
so i figure i'm in an appropriate mood to do the seminary post.
here's a few quotes that have been standing out to me...

       "As I have read the scriptures, i have been challenged by the word ponder, so frequently used in the Book of Mormon. The dictionary says that ponder means 'to weigh mentally, think deeply about, deliberate, meditate.'...
      "Pondering is, in my feeling, a form of prayer. It has, at least, been an approach to the Spirit of the Lord on many occasions."                        -Marion G. Romney

       "I think we pay too little attention to the value of meditation, a principle of devotion...
Meditation is one of the most secret, most sacred doors through which we pass into the presence of the Lord."                                                      -David O. McKay

these quotes really stuck out to me and made me think. they went with a lesson entitled 'prayerfully reading and pondering the scriptures invites revelation.'

okay grab your scriptures, cause i want you to look a couple up.
each of these scriptures describe what happened just before a revelation was received...
-D&C 76:15-19
-D&C 138:1-2,11
-1 Nephi 11:1
-JSH 1:11-13
notice a pattern? underline the words ponder, meditate, reflect, etc.
how often do we forget that meditation is vital to our spiritual growth?
i am the queen of having to be constantly entertained. i never allow myself to be bored. this really reminded me that we need to make time to just be quiet and think on things. we need to give the holy ghost the opportunity to guide/enlighten/instruct/correct/comfort/etc us. you can pick whichever of those is applicable.

so as i've been making an effort do do just that, i have found myself really getting some insights on things i need to learn.
for example: one of our scripture mastery's is D&C 58:26-27
it reads
       "For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things , the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherfore he receiveth no reward.
       "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness."

and i'm gonna include verse 28, which says
       "For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward."

i feel like i need to read that every day. this actually hit me pretty hard today while i was pondering it...
i am not the type of person that just prays for what they want and then expects the Lord to do it. i am more the type that if i do ask for something, i step all over myself to quickly add, 'but thy will be done'. i'm not saying that's a bad thing, but i just really felt nudged by the spirit when i read this scripture again today that i can have an active part in my life. i don't have to wait to be acted upon, i can take initiative. i can make a doctor's appointment even though Heavenly Father has not seen fit to give me a baby. i can sign up for some college courses without a huge spiritual prompting to do so.
we have all been given talents and trials and now we have to show what we're going to do with them. am i going to bury all my crap in the ground, and then still have the same thing to show for it in the end? or am i going to do things of my own free will and multiply my talents, and conquer my trials?

i am totally blabbering, sorry...

one more thing.
i have to share part of this amazing quote by Bruce R. McConkie about what it means to be valiant in the testimony of the Savior... the whole thing is too long to type out, so i'll just pick out some highlights.

       "What does it mean to be valiant in the testimony of Jesus?
       "It is to be courageous and bold; to use all our strength, energy, and ability in the warfare with the world; to fight the good fight of faith.... The great cornerstone of valiance in the cause of righteousness is obedience to the whole law of the whole gospel.
       "It is to live our religion, to practice what we preach, to keep the commandments. It is the manifestation of 'pure religion' in the lives of men; it is visiting 'the fatherless and widows in their affliction' and keeping ourselves 'unspotted from the world'.
       "To be valiant in the testimony of Jesus is to take the Lord's side on every issue. It is to vote as he would vote. It is to think what he thinks, to believe what he believes, to say what he would say and do what he would do in the same situation."

i love Bruce R. McConkie.
anyway, i feel like i've gone on forever... or maybe this just took me forever to type out. i hope you got as much out of it as i did.

and if you were bored by this, then you are in need of some repentance.
haha. just kidding.

happy new year (plus 12 days)

2011-01-12T11:06:00.000-08:00

so i've been thinking a lot about what i want out of this new year. i feel like good things will happen this year. i feel happy and hopeful. you could look at it as depressing that for the most part my goals are the same this year as last year.... but i feel as though i've made actual progress on each one. so instead of depressed i'm pretty proud of myself. here were last years:

1- finish my book. this is of A-1 importance to me.

2- read the book of mormon and new testament, each in their entirety.

3- reach my goal weight. (and no, i'm not telling you what that is).

4- be able to run five miles.... in a row.

5- vacation to either: NYC or a tropical island TBA.

6- reproduce.

pretty good ones, right? i can't tell you how happy it makes me to know how much closer i am to acheiving these things. i have little to no control over myself, so it's a considerable feat.

i also have some goals for our house. these make me happy to think about. they include, but are not limited to:

1- new couches
2- an actual computer, instead of just a laptop
3- many more of roberta's amazing pictures blown up and framed and proudly displayed all over the place
4- a barbeque
5- a chalk board
6- a big, full length, wood framed mirror from world market for our bedroom
7- a nice dresser and night table
8- a bookcase (sigh... my dream is really a wall full of them, but i have to start somewhere)

i'm going to feel like such a grown up when i own a dresser! so, i have started saving in three different funds (other than the million other categories we have), entitled "furniture", "electronics", and "a vacation of nicole's choosing".
i feel like the vacation has a good chance of happening this year because i finally have tyler on board. he said to me the other day that he thinks it's really important that i get taken on a for realsies vacation, because that is literally all i have ever asked for since we've been married.

however, he did not use the words 'for realsies'.

i also want to get to tahoe as much as possible this summer. i want to beach it up. and i want to be tan for the first time in years. and swim in the lake lots. and go on lots of hikes. and maybe we'll finally get around to a little camping. and see yosemite. and visit griffin and katrina. and and and and..... you get the idea.

basically, i am in a really inspired mood right now.

also, i will be doing a post on some great stuff from seminary in the near future. i was telling kelly about some lessons and reading her quotes, and we agreed it needs a post.

after that post, i am going to do a real long one about mine and tyler's story in honor of our 5 year wedding anniversary, which is this friday. i really want to have that for posterity, and my memory is crap, so i figure what better time than now!

also i want to do a post on how much i love ashley boice, and how much i love the pictures of us from christmas.

have a great day!

guess who came to dinner / big news

2011-01-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

kelsie foo!!!!! looking beautiful as ever. so the big news is, she is living with kenny! i am so happy for the both of them that they get these couple of months together before she graduates and grows up. the situation of how she got there (with her mom) isn't ideal... but when has the situation with kerri ever been ideal? kelsie is hanging in there though, and i just love her to death. so here's some of the info cause i know the sisters are gonna want to know.

*she is living up in tahoe, but doesn't have to transfer schools because she has a friend that also lives up there and she drives with them.

*she is doing great in school (she was working on her AP stats homework after dinner) and is currently on varsity cheer (she was wearing her letter jacket- so cute). ty and i are going to a basketball game she'll be cheering at in reno tonight.

*no boyfriend.

* everyone should call and talk to her... i know she would love love to hear from you all. she needs our family's unconditional love and support. i am so excited to be a part of her life again. last night it felt so so much like mom was (or should have been) there. in fact that just made me get tears in my eyes typing that.

we were talking about how she's been in such a weird/hard position as far as seeing kenny goes, because he doesn't have set visitation now. when she was little it wasn't up to her, so she couldn't get blamed for it... but now that she's older, it's her choice to spend time with him and she would start major crap with her mom if she did. i'll just put one thing to give you an idea...

she asked her mom if she could spend christmas eve eve with kenny and spend the night (she knew not to even try for christmas eve), and her mom said whatever and then didn't talk to her. so kelsie spent the night at kenny's then came home on christmas eve to an empty house that was locked. they have a key pad entry, not keys, and they had changed the code so that kelsie couldn't get in. she called and texted everyone and no one would answer, so she hung out with her dogs in the backyard, until her grandma found out what was happening and came to pick her up.

she went home after her family finally got there (no one talking to her) and then christmas morning she woke up to no presents.

her grandparents found out and her grandpa went to walmart and got her a bunch of stuff.

two days later todd and kerri kicked her out and she called her dad.

there's so much more.

call her and kenny, let's love and support our family.

ps- look how cute sophia is! it was so fun to see kenny with his two girls.

pps- glor, kelsie told me that the person from our family who has really stuck with trying to stay in contact with her has been austin. she told me how much she loved him and appreciated that. i thought that was pretty cool.

ppss- i know i look super scary in that picture.

i need some love

2011-01-02T16:36:00.000-08:00

i think my sister heather said it best on her blog when she said that her mind feels like scrambled eggs. except it's not just my mind it's my emotions too. i am walking a line of sadness/depression and happiness/inspiration.

good things:
1. we had such an amazing christmas. the cabin was amazing. it was a perfect time.
2. i bought myself really good presents.
3. bob and roberta got me (well us... but mainly me) a kindle!!! best present ever. i was speechless. it was their gift to each of the families.
4. our 5 year anniversary is in 2 weeks. i better pick myself up a card.
5. i am officially insured.
6. i ate so much delicious food the past couple weeks.

bad things:
1. the holidays are over and i am depressed. not so much that they're over as that we are gone from our families. i miss my family (real and in law). i need my sisters. i am sad. can someone come visit me please?
2. real life sucks. i am having major gag reflex flare-ups every time i think about the fact that tomorrow morning i will be up for seminary, and then at work all day. gross.
3. i ate sooooo much food, and i feel sick at myself. i seriously can feel all the cream cheese and butter clogging through my arteries, and i think i'm going to have a heart attack at 28.
4. i am a really bad person. can i just show my true colors for a second and admit that i have more repenting to do when i leave church than i do when i get there? it's not my fault... it's all the crazies. i am not very pure in heart. that being said, i think i'm going to do a lesson in seminary tomorrow about what a testimony is and how we bear it, and what is the appropriate length of a comment in relief society.
5. sisters: do you have a nagging depression leading up to January 31st? or is that just me?
6. i am ready to retire. maybe i'll be allowed to after my premature heart attack.

i'll blog more about our wonderful christmas as soon as i have some pictures and a better attitude.

a model, idiot. (read that in zoolander's voice)

2010-12-21T21:29:00.000-08:00

yes, that is me riding a horse.
you are looking at the fresh new face of idaho travel.
i am super embarassed /slash/ this is hilarious.

i was joke-posing because roberta had started snapping pictures of me...
(you know how we do reneer's)
and now she has sold the picture and it will appear in this ad for one year in travel magazines.
hahahahaha.
i'm a model.

i must take a moment to praise roberta yet again for how awesome she is. (she took all those pictures).
not only are here pics appearing in this ad, but the college bought a bunch to blow up and display throughout the new huge building on campus.
(they did not select the one of me on the horse, however).
i could not be prouder if i had taken the pictures myself.

you're the bomb roberta... can't wait to see you in 1 1/2 days!

chestnuts roasting on an open fire... (read that how kenny sings it)

2010-12-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

i know it's been a while. it seems like i only want to blog when i'm super high or super low. (manic or depressive- ha). so i've been trying to hold out for a good mood (cause i've had plenty of bad ones). and guess what? i'm feeling pretty good right now!

here are the haps on the craps:

i have been so so busy at work, which is so good moneywise, but pretty stressful every way elsewise. i can't complain though. i have a really good job, and i'm so grateful.

i am so excited for christmas break of not teaching seminary! i can't wait to sleep in... i have been so tired. i can tell the kids are so tired too. we all need a break i think. we have one more day of normal class and then friday we are having a big breakfast at my house. this is becoming a little tradition we do before breaks. it is a lot of cooking that i do by myself, but the kids love it, so it's worth it. it is the only day that they are all on time :)

kenny came over for dinner last night. he has always made my heart hurt cause i love him so much, and i'm so glad we live so close. we actually get together at one of our houses pretty regularly. kenny always picks the menu... we had delicious salmon, asparaugus and rice, with mom's fruit cocktail and garlic bread... and we watched it's a wonderful life (his choice) by the light of the christmas tree and fireplace. cozy. kenny is such a little boy in his heart. he usually brings sophia (who is the yummiest), but he didn't last night because he had a meeting with his advisor at UNR. i am so proud of him and excited for him. he is starting classes in january, and will be taking a full load for the next 1-2 years to finish with his teaching certificate. he wants to teach high school history and coach. he will be amazing at both. also a bonus: when he starts school he'll be coming to our house a lot more and maybe even crashing here one night a week. good good stuff.

i am so excited for christmas! we are going to idaho for 1 to 1.5 weeks and i can't wait. going back to idaho is like going back to a cozy little comfort zone. i can't explain it right, but when i go to the boice's i want to move in to their spare bedroom and never leave. all seven kids in ty's family will be there for christmas which hasn't happened in quite a while and we are all staying in a HUGE "cabin" together christmas eve and christmas night. so fun. get ready for some family pictures!

i am also looking forward to seeing movies in the movie theatre. it seems the only time i have to do this anymore is when i'm on vacation. my top two are harry potter (no, i have not yet seen it) and true grit. i can't wait for true grit. the original is one of my family favorites.

can i just brag about my husband for a minute? don't worry, i don't do it very often- ha. he has just been the best husband lately. i'm kinda obsessed with him. or real in love with him. i have been so stressed and sick and busy and overworked and tired..... and he has been wonderful. when i'm freaking out he asks what i'm stressed about and asks what he can do to help. he says things like, 'don't worry about the dishes, i'll do them. i'll put in laundry, so don't think about that. why don't you go get in bed so you're not tired.' he brings me things, he does whatever i ask him. it's great. he is so supportive. i love being home with my little family of tyler and dottie. everything seems okay when we're together. the other night i had a breakdown and was sobbing on tyler, and he just soothes me and tells me everything is alright, and then he makes me laugh, and it doesn't seem so bad. he's my best friend.

poor dottie is a ziggy piggy. she's on a diet, but everyone keeps making fun of her. kenny says she's going to have 'alligator legs' by the next time he sees her.

okay, that's all for now.
in case i don't post again before christmas....
Merry Christmas!!!!

pretty tahoe pictures and my pretty puppy and a pretty big accomplishment

2010-10-11T11:13:00.000-07:00

i dare you to tell me that dottie is not the cutest thing in the whole wide world. just kidding, cause if you tell me that i won't like you anymore. but seriously, she's beautiful and i love her. these first couple pics are courtesy of roberta, when they were here visiting. amazing pictures. tyler and i were dying and trying to pick which one of dottie we are going to blow up and frame. we're infertile... give us a break.

okay from here down is the big accomplishment that i have yet to blog about. tyler and i climbed mt. tallac a couple weeks ago. for those of you who don't know, it's real real hard. you basically climb up the face of a mountain. and i'm talking a tahoe mountain. i grew up hiking, but i never thought i could or would do tallac. and i did it!! i was so so proud of myself, but also couldn't walk for like 2 days after. i was on a 'i can do anything' high for like a week after. it was awesome. and for some reason the pics look blurry- but you get the idea.

on the way down, which you would think would be easy, but is so hard!

one of the two lakes on the way up.

this is the mountain we climbed to
the top of.

this is at the top... there are a million chipmunks that are not afraid of people and dottie was going nuts... notice ty's death grip on her. she literally would have jumped off the cliff to get one.

view from the top. b-e-a-utiful.

'merry christmas from the boice's!' there... now you all got our card.

this snuck in at the bottom.

ps- we are so excited cause cortney and ashley and fam are coming this week!! i blog it and it happens- yay! so i better get cleaning and washing sheets.

happy birthday to my mom

2010-10-07T09:52:00.000-07:00

today is my mom's birthday... and incidentally it is also the anniversary of my baptism 20 years ago. i miss my mom, but i am not sad today. it is a deliciously cozy day. cloudy and on and off rainy. it has been amazing rainy/thunder/lightning weather the last couple of days and i am in heaven. i love love it. there is almost nothing i love more in this world than a thunder and lightning storm.
i feel so happy. you might think this is strange considering that i am on day 3 of low carb, but i am.
also i had an awesome birthday. we went to six flags, stayed the night at a cool hotel in berkeley, and went to san francisco the next day. i am officially 28. 28 feels good.
btw- i had to cancel my doc appt., but it's all good... more on that later.
i am also so excited for the holidays (including halloween). can't wait.
family: just so you're aware of our intentions, we will be in utah for thanksgiving and idaho for christmas. can't wait.
also, ashley boice... you have a sweet minivan now... there are no excuses for you guys to not be here. we miss you. remember, cream cheese is not a carb, so we're good to go. Oh!! i just realized that i can have stuffed mushrooms on my diet. yesssss.
sorry i'm rambling right now. there is more to blog, but i gots to get ready for work.

do i have news for you...

2010-09-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

but first off, some pictures.
i've never posted any of the very lovely pictures that roberta took while she was here, but here are a couple...

cute, right? roberta is amazing. i'm thinking one of those for our christmas card. (who am i kidding? like i'll get out christmas cards). tyler is almost over his bug... mostly because the project is over. it has sure been a good car though. it's always getting comments from people when we are driving around. one guy even rolled down his window driving next to us and asked if tyler wanted to sell it. haha. he is thinking about it now, cause he wants a nissan frontier. he says they're "sexy". i thought that was so funny because he has never described anything as sexy.

okay, i'm stalling. here's the news:

i made an appointment with the fertility doctor.

in case you're not aware, this was a huge big deal step for me. in fact, as i called to make my appointment i was trying not to burst into tears. after i made the appointment i realized that i've kinda been in a form of denial for a really long time. there are things wrong with my body, and i need to figure out what they are. that was hard to admit to myself. but now that i have, i feel a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.
when i was driving home, the day i made the appointment i realized another reason that i had put off making the appointment and it made me start crying. i realized that by making the appt. i was allowing myself to hope again, and that is scary. i am learning about myself that i am really good at self preservation. if i am going to get hurt i go on lockdown mode. and i have been in lockdown mode for a couple years now. yowza.
time to face my fears i guess.

so anyway, my appointment is one week from today. three days after my twenty eighth birthday (which is on friday). i feel excited and anxious to get started.
also, if anyone has any advice would love to hear it. i want to go into it with some idea of what to say and what to ask. etc. so let me know if you have any words of wisdom.

i have more to update, but this keyboard is being slow and driving me crazy, so i'll do it later.

long time no blog eh?

2010-08-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

we have a lot to catch up on so excuse the rambling...

for starters, i'm doing a lot better than i was in the last post. i was sure in a big funk for 2 months though. apologies to anyone that i was around, i know i was awful.

for seconders, i had my 10 yr high school reunion at the end of june. it was so fun. the most fun of all was getting to spend time with julie and kirsti. when we went to church in tahoe together.. kirsti and i were holding hands during sacrament and i fully started crying because we were both leaving after church and i missed her already.

like a day after that ty and i went to idaho for the fourth of july. super fun, and always good to be back in rexburg. i miss taco time. (and all our family of course-ha).

just this last weekend my in-laws came to visit. yay! we were so excited for them to come and we had such a fun time with them. among other things, we went to a baseball game, to tahoe, to lots of yummy restaurants, were shot by berta's camera, and went to see dinner for schmucks. steve carrell is so stinking funny. i love going to see funny movies with roberta for some reason. i think its because we are always both laughing so hard together.

am i boring you yet with my journal entry? sorry.

oh yeah!! i forgot a big thing... we came home from idaho and bought a big huge tv. it's awesome. and, drum roll please.... we are getting cable tomorrow for the first time in our marriage. i'm almost sad about it. almost. it kinda feels like we're selling out. i guess i'll let the kardashians comfort me :)

some random shout outs...

glor and heathie: for some reason when i saw the pics of the two of you on heather's blog my chest puffed up with pride that i had claim on you both as my sisters. i just thought i'd let you know. oh and glor.. i was watching the proposal today and laughing out loud and missing you. boop boop boop. (that's the sound of him patting her butt).

sara: i'm real jealous of switzerland. real. let's talk on the phone again soon... you never know, i may just answer. haha.

julie: i think you're an amazing seamstress, and i might try to hire you as my own. also, the library didn't have the outlander series, but they did have the first one of the lord byron series so i got it. have you read those? are they good? by the way, i never told you how much i loved it when you emailed me that book review. i think we should have an email book club. ps- dottie misses gwen.

kirsti: i can't shout out those two and not you. holla. but for reals i was pondering life in the shower the other day and i was thinking how incredibly grateful i am for you in my life. i've finally found the love of a lifetime. (i thought you'd like that lyric because it's soft rock- your favorite).

shauna: you don't get a shout out because i texted you so many times the other day. i was in the car with ty while we were texting and he finally said, 'ugghhh, will you end the conversation already??' haha.

ginny: yeah you heard me. you are my crush too.

roberta: those pictures are amazing!!! i can't wait to see the rest! you are so talented it blows me away. also the morning you left, dottie went running to your room, and when i came around the corner to look in she was sitting on your made bed staring. then she proceeded to check every room upstairs and then ran to check all downstairs and even outside. so sad. she misses her gwamma.

ashley boice: the picture of rob ninja kicking ollie is the best thing i've ever seen. i miss you. do you still have no car to come visit??

step up 3: i just know i'm gonna love you. in fact i already do. i love you. your trailer makes me giddy with excitement. see you in a couple days. xoxo

okay i think my throat is hoarse from all the shouting. sorry i've been mia everyone. i'm officially out of my funk.

i am a freaking mess, and this post is my freaking therapy session

2010-06-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

i think i am in the middle of a full mind and body meltdown.
so why not blog about it?
i'm hoping that this will help me get out some of the emotion that i'm supressing, so it can stop manifesting itself in physical ways.
i'm not saying that my migraine/dizziness/nasuea is all in my head, i just think it might have something to do with all the stress trapped in my body. but that''s just a theory.
i didn't even realize i had so much emotion tucked away until i was talking to heather today and started to tell her that i hadn't dealt with saying goodbye to the house yet, because each time i've left in the last couple of weeks, i've known that i was going back.
i started to tell her this, but was interrupted by a sob coming out of my mouth.
and now my typing was just interrupted by some more sobs.....
.........................................................................................................................................
i just took a five minute sobbing break, so i guess blogging is in fact helping me release emotion.
i know i'm being totally depressing right now, so you can skip this post if you want.
WARNING: not for fair weather friends.
i must mention that during my sob break dottie came over and hugged me across my chest. she laid there and as i continued to cry, she started whining and then tried to lick the tears off my face. i swear she is the love of my life.
anyway, this weekend will be the last time at the house.
so i know this is probably a pity party that i'm having right now, and that some of you are thinking, 'big deal, it's just a house'. but it's not just a house, so lay off me.
most (27 year old) people would not be that phased by their childhood house being sold, but most people also weren't best friends with both their parents when they were a teenager. and most people have some other physical connection to their mom besides the house that she used to live in. like i said... pity party. you're all invited.
not to mention the fact that i'm going to miss my dad. i only got him for six months... but it was great while it lasted. it's his birthday today you know. happy birthday dad, i love you.

okay, i feel super drained right now... peace out.

one last parting thought:
the movie 'fame' is really boring. i was quite dissapointed. i should have gotten 'valentine's day' instead :(

a non-generic update

2010-05-25T19:32:00.000-07:00

my heart feels full right now. (probably cause i'm listening to church music... i'm so mushy).

anyway, did you know that there is a world renown fertility specialist that lives in reno?
did you know that he is mormon?
he has an office in reno, orem, and hawaii. he opened the one in hawaii to accomodate all the people that were coming to see him from asia.
coincidence?
i have had several people tell me about him, but just found out from this (super cool) lady today that he is in her ward, and got her pregnant. that sounded wrong. he helped her to be able to conceive. (that's better)
i am working up the courage to make an appointment.

also did you know that i don't drink diet coke anymore?
i wasn't trying to quit or anything, but a couple of months ago it was like a switch flipped, and i just stopped. weird right?
i have also been losing weight.
i weigh less than i have in a couple years.
i still have a little ways to my goal, but i am on the right track.
every morning i go to seminary, then straight to the gym for an hour to an hour and a half, then home to shower before work.
it's a great little schedule and i feel so good. granted i tend to pass out at about 8pm, but my bed is super cozy so i don't mind.

so what i'm trying to say is that i'm in a really good place right now.
it's called reno.
hahaha- that was a joke.

the haps on the craps

2010-05-18T21:41:00.000-07:00

after checking it for the umpteenth time, tyler said "update your blog you butthole". so i figured it was time.

lots of ~~good~~ great stuff is going on, plus one really sad thing.

i'll discuss the sad thing first.

the tahoe house, aka the house i grew up in, aka my last connection to my mom, has been sold and must be vacated by june 24th.

when i got my dad's family email about it i started sobbing at work.

who knew it would hit me that hard.

i am super sad, and it's going to be really hard... but as tyler pointed out, i have my mom in each of my sisters, not just in that house. my goal is to buy it one day. i love that house.

on to a happy thing...

...which is that if we are eeeeevvvveeeerrrr able to reproduce, i think said offspring will have really pretty blue eyes.

also a happy thing:

seminary is over in 2.5 weeks. i won't even know what to do with all my free time from 5:30 to 7:30! oh right... i'll be sleeping.

great news:

i love my job.

even better news:

gloria is coming to visit.

but the best news:

we are teaching dottie how to do backflips.

(you know you're impressed)

on a sidenote:

did you know that there are dogs on you tube that say 'i love you'?

tyler and grandma walking downtown.

speaking of downtown...

ty and i went to there on saturday night to people watch and walk dottie. it was so fun. i love reno. such a cool town... who knew? they have in the middle of downtown a big cement area (which is an ice skating rink in the winter and serves as the rink for the girls roller derby in the summer), filled with skateboarders and ramps/rails etc. that a local skate shop hauls down for the night. how cool is that? then you walk a block over and it's the baseball stadium with the minor league reno aces playing to a packed stadium, which stadium is connected to a couple bars and restaurants.

then you turn the corner and you have the gentleman's club... oh wait. scratch that part.

actually it really is there though, and as we were walking by with dottie, some drunk guy leaned over the railing as he was headed in and said to dottie, "what the hell are you doing here?"

haha. dog humor.

speaking of dogs. this is sammy, kenny's dog that we watched for a couple days. couldn't you just eat him up? he is sleeping on tyler's dirty clothes, which tyler so generously left on the floor for him.

okay, update complete.

ramblings

2010-04-27T20:23:00.000-07:00

i don't have one thing to blog about, i have many things to blog about so (surprise) i'm gonna list it out...

1. as i type this tyler has dottie cradled in is arms in a sweet embrace and is giving her kisses while she makes little groans. she is serious competition for me.

2. speaking of tyler you should go read his blog. he is reallly into blogging right now. he stayed up until like 2:30 the other morning getting all his settings and layout tweaked. just a little warning... before you click on it turn down your volume, cause chances are punk will start blaring at you.

3. the salon is going sooosooo good. i love it. i love the people that work there, and i am making good money already, which means that when i get busy i'll be making a whole mess of money. i've never really been driven to make money before, but why not right?

4. oh my... i sure hope none of you were quick to read the draft of this post that was just published. let me splain: tyler read over my shoulder #1 on this list and tried to get me to delete it... i said no way... he said delete it now, blah blah blah... i said you think #1 is bad look at this one. i then proceeded to type something reaaallly inappropriate to make tyler laugh. at which point he stole the laptop and published the post while i chased him around the island in the kitchen for 5 minutes screaming how not funny this was and that my mission president is probably reading it. (not really, but anyone reading it would have been pretty mortifying). long story short... i am not deleting #1.

-well, now that my heartrate has slowed back down from that little episode, on to number

5. my grandma is staying with us for the week and my heart is full of love for her. it's so hard to watch people get so old. i have really felt the weight of my mom wanting me/my family to love and take care of her mom for her, since she can't be here to do it herself. and i am so proud of my dad and have gained a new level of love for him for taking grandma into his home and treating her like his own mother. not to mention kathi. thank you kathi for loving and taking care of our grandma. also, how did i never notice how similar i am to grandma? it's like i got every one of her genes. also, she is sooo funny. she can barely remember names and places anymore, yet is cracking us up with her wit. she is so quick. you should hear her and tyler banter back and forth... she keeps up with every one of his teasings. tyler i'm sure will be posting some pictures soon of our adventures with g-ma. if not i guess i'll get my lazy butt to do it.

6. there should be a job called "dog commentator", and tyler and i should both have that job. we are really good at making commentary on what dogs are thinking and saying. most of our dogs can't pronounce their R's, but a select few talk in the grey poupon voice. we are really big dorks.

umm, i'll stop there, with hopefully another update in the near future.

i feel like a million bucks

2010-03-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

spring is in the air and i am excited for life.

do you know what i heard when i woke up this morning?
a bird chirping outside the window.
you know what else i heard?
nothing.
you know what i heard after laying there thinking/waking up for an hour?
nothing.

i am embracing my childless life for all that it's worth. that's the epiphany i've had today.
i straggled out of bed after laying there forever, got up to take a bubble bath / shower combo with my latest allure, gave myself a haircut, a mani pedi, went for a long drive with ty and now i am watching clueless and blogging. i guess it's not too bad not having kids.

also adding to my inspiration was walking around the UNR campus with tyler today. it is a beautiful blue sky day, and we were in the area, so we parked and took a little walk.
ohhh, i want to go back to school so bad!
think big brick buildings, ivy, cool architecture, fountains, stadiums, planetariums, bookstores, etc.
yes please.

i am thinking that i will start this fall. by then i'll hopefully have a decent hair clientel built up, and i can work a couple days a week, and then go full time at school. i mean, i already have two years done. i'm halfway there!

here's my grand plan...
i want to double major in english and social work, and minor in spanish.

to which tyler responded that he wants to be an astronaut and a nascar driver- ha.

but why not, right? i got the smarts. and i know tyler will be so proud of me when i graduate. he'll totally take every opportunity to tell anyone my accomplishments. he ALWAYS tells people that i'm writing a book, even though he is forbidden to do so. he's just so proud he can't help himself.

by the way, the book is going super well, and it is the reason i have been neglecting this blog.

also by the way, i start at maza salon on tuesday, and i'm real excited.

last by the way, i totally stood up to my old boss to get commissions owed to me, and faced my biggest fears, and i'm so proud of myself.
i'm an adult! ta da!

life goes on

2010-03-12T15:05:00.000-08:00

what's up ladies and gents.
here's what's going on in my world:

1. i love vampire weekend. plain and simple. (it's a band)
2. speaking of vampires, did you see the eclipse trailer?? yes please. can't wait.
3. let me tell you about a couple of promising leads ty and i found on craigslist.
the first one said they needed a hair and makeup artist (check), must be up to date with current trends (check), positive and enthusiastic (check), open minded (uhhh, check), and comfortable with the adult film industry environment. yeah.... pass.
number two was looking for someone with a fun and outgoing personality (that's my middle name), energetic and self motivated (sounds good), to dress up and wave at cars in a statue of liberty costume for liberty tax. ummm.... no thanks.
4. fyi, i have decided i want to do hair and have already met with a couple salons (thanks nicole c. for your help!), and have an appt. to meet with another one, so things are going good on that front, and i am really excited to be doing hair again. i feel totally refreshed from my 3 month break of it, and should be getting my NV license in the mail any day now.
5.we are going up to tahoe today for one or two nights to battle our feelings of homesickness (we were sad when we got back from our rexburg trip). i can't wait for tahoe donut, mcdonlads breakfast with the attic, watching movies on dad and kathi's new 52 inch tv, and of course, being cozy.

okay, that's the update for now. i feel like i am forgetting something. oh well.

oh my... what an up and down long weekend i've had

2010-03-02T11:57:00.000-08:00

i have so much to blog about.

first and foremost, is that i just got fired. i know, right? they didn't have a reason for me (which makes sense seeing as i've never done anything wrong), but i'm pretty sure i just got lumped in with my boss who got fired last week. the thing that really pisses me off is that they waited a week to fire me after her, and i know it's so that i could answer all the new property manager's questions about where everything was, the status of crap, etc.... here's how i'm feeling about my firing:

1. i am relieved that i don't have to work today (haha)
2. i am feeling indignant because i was a good employee (obviously)
3. the work environment was getting yucky and the boss is a really horrible person to work for in general so it's kind of a relief to not have to be in that environment.
4. super shell shocked... i keep thinking, i can't believe i got fired.
5. worried about what i'm going to do next.
6. excited for what i'm going to do next.
7. i feel like this is meant to be for some reason. maybe i'll finish my book sooner than i thought.
8. thank goodness i have a sugar daddy.

overall, i know that even though i might be depressed and hurt for a few days, heavenly father always always takes care of me. so i've got that going for me.

okay, on to other things...

we went to rexburg this weekend. it was such a good trip. i cannot emphasize enough how much i love the boice family. the trip made me want to move in with roberta and bob and never leave their house. i feel like that's not a normal response to one's in-laws, but i have really good ones.
the official reason for the trip was to do taxes, which we did. don't get me started on taxes. don't even get me started. is it me, or is america set up to punish you for being successful? i cannot believe how much money the government rakes in every year. who are they held accountable to??? where is all that freaking money going??? i am disgusted. do you know that they picked a number (right at the point of being succesful) and if you make more than that, you pay 10 PERCENT MORE on every dollar? it's like what's the point? why try to make your business succesful if it all goes to nasa, nukes, and people's welfare checks. ugh. i want to file for unemployment just so i can start taking some back. sorry, enough tax talk.

a highlight of the trip was getting to see my kirsti. oh how i love her. also, navy is quite possibly the funniest little girl ever. it wouldn't do her justice to describe her, you have to experience it first hand.

okay, one last thing (even though there's more stuff, but i feel drained).
tyler was cleaning the carpets in this super nice huge house last week, and he saw a bowl of candy hearts. the guy was in the other room, so he figured it was okay if he snuck one, so he popped one in his mouth... only to discover that they were wooden! they were a decoration.! haha. i laughed and laughed when he told me that.

okay, that's all for now. i'll keep it updated. and i'll also keep it real. those are my promises to you :)

cameron frye... this one's for you

2010-02-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

in this instance cameron frye is kelly.
thought you would like this.... since you haven't seen anything good today.
skywalker in 2012.

nic's sick pics

2010-02-19T18:27:00.000-08:00

both sick and pic can be taken as double meanings. get it?
so i'm super sick. i haven't been this sick in a long time. i have been bed ridden for 48+ hours (minus teaching seminary... yeah, i'm hard core).
anyway, i thought i'd share some of my sick bed movie reccomendations, seeing as if there is one thing i am an authority on, it's movies. well, movies and saturday night live. those are my areas of expertise. i have invested ALOT of time in these two things. just be thankful that you are not with me in person or you would have to listen to me quoting said movies. here goes:

1. love story.

if you want to really love your husband, and you want to really cry your eyes out, this is the way to do it. bonus: ryan o'neil and ali mcgraw are both super hot... and their witty banter is unparalleled.

2. billy the kid (documentary).

if you read extremely loud and incredibly close, and loved it... then you need to watch this. it will make you laugh and want to cry at the same time.

3. thoroughly modern millie.

if you're in the mood for a little song and dance a la julie andrews, this is fun for the whole family.

4. far and away.

one of my all time favorites. love is not a strong enough word. i luff it. i lurve it. (that's from annie hall by the way, another one of my favorites). anywho, if you're all weirded out by tomkat and scientology etc., this movie will take you back to being super charmed by and in love with tom cruise. he and nicole kidman called it their 'honeymoon movie' because they made it together right after they were married. awwwwe.

and last but certainly not least...

5. rushmore.

what can i say about this movie? it makes my heart feel full. it makes my mind feel smarter. it makes me want to create. for some reason i really see myself in max fisher. i can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing. just one quote.... "what are you, a lawyer?"

oh, i love it.

see you on the flip side.

happy valentime's / birth day!

2010-02-16T18:46:00.000-08:00

and yes, i know that i misspelled valentine's day. tyler pronounces it valentime's day no matter how many times i correct him. he even spells it that way. don't ask me.

yesterday was tyler's birthday, which you should know unless you've been living under a rock. just kidding. you probably didn't know, and that's okay. he turned 29. time flies.

i thought i'd say a few nice things about him as his present. (i didn't even get him a card. i know, right?)

here goes:
tyler is really cool, and he has really big muscles, and golden locks of hair, and really pretty blue eyes, and the cutest smile ever (the corners of his mouth always look just a little turned up).
also, he is super talented at so many things, he doesn't embarass me, and he is the hardest worker i've ever met.
he is my best friend. we can catch each others eye and burst out laughing, or say something in a certain way and make the other crack up. he takes care of me when i'm sick, and when i'm really stressed out and anxious, he tells me everything is going to be alright.
he is never ever ever boring. he is endlessly entertaining. even when we are fighting, it's with flair. and flare. both are fitting descriptions.
he talks to dottie in baby voice and i love it.
he is definitly one of a kind.
thank goodness.

ps- roberta, you should have seen his face light up when he saw your blog post about him. he felt so special.

pps- if you'd like to give tyler a present as well, you may leave him a comment wishing him a happy birthday. it will make him most happy. it also never hurts to comment on his muscles... he really likes that too.

ppss- for some reason this post won't let me put on a picture. c'est la vie.

fresh from an anxiety attack, and feeling fine

2010-02-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

all of a sudden i feel really good. feeling really good is feeling really welcome, because i have been feeling really anxious. how's that for a sentence?

kelly mentioned it on her blog, but it bears repeating. she fell over backwards (and i'm talking straight over, onto her back, hitting her head and elbows, kind of fell) on the sidewalk by the southwest skycap at the reno airport. i cannot emphasize enough that this was the funniest thing i have ever seen. i am laughing right now just thinking about it. you know when you think of something and start laughing out loud no matter where you are? i did that about 20 times yesterday, whenever i would picture her falling in my head. the best part was, she was just standing there... she didn't trip, stumble, nothing. she just fell over. also, there were lots of people around, one of which yelled out, "oh sh**... is she alright?"

also, we got another call to meet with the stake presidency last week. we were like, oohhhh boy. luckily it wasn't for me this time. tyler is now the first counselor in the elders quorom presidency. i think he'll do really good cause he is such a hard worker, and there is ALOT of hard work to be done here. there's over 90 prospective elders in our ward boundaries. the field is white...

another cool expereince was getting set apart on sunday. the stake presidency was all there to set apart the new elders quorom, and then the first counselor (the one who we met with when i got called as the seminary teacher) stayed and set me apart. it was just him, tyler, and me in the room, and it was a pretty cool experience. he said in the blessing (among lots of things that i can't remember), that although i may feel at times like my teaching is not getting through or having an impact, that specific phrases/lessons/stories that i teach will stay with these kids and affect their lives in the years to come, changing generations. it makes me kinda choked up as i'm typing it. i feel like a missionary again, except without the sucky parts this time. haha. when he finished the blessing he told tyler and i that he usually just says amen and shakes hands and that's that, but that he wanted to share more with us. he talked about the glimpse he got of tyler and i during the blessing, and the things that are in store for us, etc. he was choked up talking about it, and tyler and i were also. it was a sweet spirit. the church is true my friends.

can i just say that i love my sisters? they are amazing and i admire them so much. i have my whole life. do you know that you three? i have idolized you since before i knew what the word idolized meant. i could not ask for three better examples, or three better friends, or counselors, or surrogate mothers, etc. you guys are the bomb.

this post is getting pretty intense again, so how bout we lighten things up? we (dad, kathi, kelly, and i) were in a thrift store on saturday and a guy saw dad's byu sweatshirt that he was wearing. i was across the store, but i heard the guy say, "do you know what the mormons say when they talk about reno? it's so close to hell you can see sparks!"
*for those of you who don't get that joke fully, sparks is the town that borders reno on the north. get it?

warning: i'm feeling a little .... i can't think of a synonym for intense (but i can't say intense cause it's in the first sentence of the post)

2010-02-02T18:21:00.000-08:00

i had the most intense dream about my mom the other night. the weird part was, she was driving me INSANE. she was like, bugging me about everything, involved in every detail in my life, and she wouldn't give me one second of breathing room. at one point i stormed out of the house to go running, just to escape from her, and she jumped on a bike and started following me down the street.
i literally felt like i was losing my mind.
the dream and the emotions of it were so intense that it actually woke me up. i couldn't go back to sleep, because i was thinking about why in the world i would have a dream like that about my mom, when in reality i miss her so much. i woke tyler up to tell him about it, and we decided that it was because that is how involved she must still be in my life... which led me to remember two things.
1). in the blessing my mission president gave me the day after my mom died he said that she is able to be with me more now than she was ever able to be with me while she was alive.
and 2). i realized that throughout the whole dream, i never actually saw her. weird right? i didn't even think about it in the dream because her presence was so strong... but i never got a visual.
ps- i had this dream the day before the anniversary of her death. 6 years. i can't believe it's been so long.

aaaanyways....
that's enough crazy dream talk for now.

on a lighter note,
i don't really have anything light to say right now actually.

but guess what? i was at lunch with my boss (she's a couple years younger than me and super cool), and out of nowhere she asks me what time i go to church. we haven't really talked about anything church related or religious, other than that i am teaching an early morning class, so i'm tired, and that i'm mormon. other than that, it hasn't come up. so i was like, 'on sunday?' i didn't understand what she was asking at first... but i figured it out and told her 1 oclock. then she says, 'i want to go to church with you.' isn't that just beautiful? i would have never ever thought she would say that.
as i drove home that night my heart just felt full of love for life. i soooo know that we were supposed to move to reno. i feel really blessed.

one more again

2010-01-26T13:56:00.000-08:00

1. seminary is awesome. really really good. i totally love the class, and am getting over my nervousness every morning. however, i am noticing a pattern with my days as far as that goes...
i wake up (that's going pretty good by the way) and go to seminary, and i'm feeling great. after my lesson, i still feel great, and like it went well. but then throughout the course of the day i start to doubt myself... and by the time i am home at night and preparing my lesson for the next day, i feel like i am a worthless excuse for a teacher. [insert extreme humility]. i am reeeaaaalllly feeling the weight of the responsibility that i have to teach these kids. so, i guess that's good, but i could do without the anxiety attacks every night.
i think i just need a spiritual confirmation that i really am the one that is supposed to be teaching the class (which i am doubting every day...).

2. on a lighter note, i am very excited for kelly to come in 1.5 weeks to visit for the weekend. we plan on eating delicious food and thrifting.... and giggling... and singing accapella harmonies to songs like "alone" by heart.

3. i am so proud of my mother-in-law, who has been asked to travel with, and take pictures for, a PBS show. i married into such a talented family, it blows my mind.

4. tyler's talent is bossing.

5. just kidding.

6. i talked to kirsti today and we are putting ourselves on a strict workout regime for the next five months in preperation for our 10 year high school reunion. our hope is that being accountable to each other will help us stay on track. cause if there is one thing that kirsti and i do for each other, it's keep each other in line.... [insert sarcasm]

7. i feel like i'm being super blessed. i always feel like that, but even more so lately. for instance... through my job, i met a lady who has published over 10 novels. she hasn't written anything in a couple years, but she is back writing and is currently working on a young adult novel. [insert fate]. people: she has an editor... and a publisher... and author friends... and was really excited when i told her i'm writing a book. she said we'll have to get together. like seriously, blessings fall into my lap.

8. have i mentioned yet that dana carvey is coming to town? one night only, valentine's day, at the nugget... and guess who's going??? dad, kathi. tyler, and myself! well isn't that special. [insert the church lady's voice].

9. snoop dogg was in town last sunday night doing a show, but my dad didn't get the tickets in time.

10. kidding again.

okay, update complete.

updates ya'll

2010-01-15T20:44:00.000-08:00

1. yesterday was mine and tyler's 4 year anniversary. hooray for us. we usually go somewhere, but this time we just stayed home. it was actually a pretty perfect day. we just spent all day together and hung out... went out for meals.... decided against seeing a movie and just got a red box and some ice cream... and ty was real sweet.. (like when we were dating sweet, which is rare).

2. my job is going really well... i am now working in the office as a leasing agent in addition to cleaning. what can i say? i move up the ranks pretty quickly.

3. i have come down from the shock of my calling, and now i am really excited. i don't start until monday, but i went this morning to meet them, and get the manual and what not. i think the current/ex teacher was a little miffed that he is not going to be teaching anymore. and i think he's a little worried about the job i'm going to do. that is if he actually meant all those little comments he made- ha. he obviously doesn't realize that i'm the bomb.

4. i feel like i love so many people.... but unfortunately none of them live anywhere near me. (excluding my close by family, of course, and tyler of course... i merely meant to say that i seem to be irritated at every human i come in contact with all day long).

5. jimmy kimmel is soooo funny. he has the best intro monologues in the biz.

6. dad and kathi are coming to town tomorrow bright and early for a delicious breakfast out and a full day of garage and estate saleing. can't wait... for breakfast. just kidding, i can't wait for all of it, but let's be honest... i love food.

7. i am so grateful for the invention of ... what would i do without ... ? for those of you who are trying to figure that out i mean the dot dot dot, trailing off, writing phenomena. it's sweeping the nation.

8. kelly sent me the funniest youtube video of a rap-off between voldemort and harry potter. it is so funny. you should try and find it. i know i could find it for you and link to it, but i have neither the time, nor the inclination.
ps- i feel like "rap-off" isn't the correct term, but i cannot for the life of me think of what it really is called. "rap-off" sounds so "white", doesn't it? and here i've always prided myself on my ethnic slang.

9. let's see... what else can i say...
ummm, i think i'm all out of material. so leave me a comment, and i'll get back to you. BEEP.

ooooh boy

2010-01-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

i got a new calling.
i knew it was gonna be trouble when a member of the stake presidency wanted to meet with me.
but i never thought it would be this...
early morning seminary teacher.
brutal.
i start in one week.
wish me luck.

resolutions and such

2010-01-06T11:02:00.000-08:00

okay, in honor of the new year, i have started to compile a list in my mind of what i want it to be like. i have high hopes for 2010, i really do.

[throat clearing]

1- finish my book. this is of A-1 importance to me.
2- read the book of mormon and new testament, each in their entirety.
3- reach my goal weight. (and no, i'm not telling you what that is).
4- be able to run five miles.... in a row.
5- vacation to either: NYC or a tropical island TBA.
6- reproduce.

if i can accomplish these few simple things i will be set.

on a side note:
i just finished the last harry potter this week. [insert big sigh and smile]. i love it. i love harry, i love ron, i love fred and george, and hermione, and luna, and ginny, and sirius, and hogwarts, and dumbledore, and and and... you get the picture. i'm in love, and i'm going through serious withdrawls now that i'm done with the series. i also had a harry potter movie marathon at the ives' house (where i just was for the baby blessing) and i have watched through movie 5 now, and all i can think about is watching number six... which i intend to get from red box on my way home from work tonight. i can't wait.

that's all for now.
happy new year.

whazzuppppp

2009-12-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

okay... i'm still kinda settling into life here, so i promise to start updating more once i get it together. it's weird to not have a routine. i don't even know where the library is yet- blasphemous.

so here's the update...
things are going really really good.
tyler is doing awesome with his business and i am super proud of him. withing the first week he had already lined up a few jobs, and gotten a lot of leads. within 2 weeks he has landed a couple of apartment complexes, and lots of businesses, and he hasn't even advertised yet.

we are super blessed.

i am currently cleaning for one of the complexes that tyler does the carpets for. i needed to find something while i waited for my nevada cosmetology license to come through, and this just sort of fell into place. i actually really love it. it is so nice to wear sweats to work and not deal with people at all. (i am cleaning empty apartments, and their main clubhouse). i just listen to my ipod and do my thang. it's super hard work, but i feel like i'm going to the gym for 5 hours a day, so bonus. also i work whatever hours i want and they're paying me well... so double bonus. i think i might take a break from hair for awhile and just do this.
so that's me.

our ward seems pretty good so far. we went to the ward christmas party the other night and had a fun time. it's so different from idaho! it feels like the kind of ward i grew up in which will be fun. tyler was in heaven because we sat by this super cool older couple, and the dude sat back and whisper gossiped with tyler the entire time, telling him the low down on everyone in the ward. tyler's dream.
dottie is enjoying being a reno puppy, but i think she misses her land. (and her gwamma). however, she loves the dog park, conveniently located down the street from our house, so we try to take her as much as possible.

just a heads up... ty will be updating his blog in the near future, so make sure you check it out so you can see 5000 vw bug pictures- ha. but really, check it out... he spent about three hours last night picking out 6 of his favorite songs to put on a playlist for his blog. so cute.

i have been thoroughly enjoying having my family so close. we had thanksgiving at kenny's house and then they came to our house for dinner a couple days later. sophia is the yummiest, and such a happy, funny, good natured two year old. dad and kathi came down for dinner and a movie (new moon whoop whoop), and then dad came down the other day and he and i garage saled and mcdonald's-ed it up. my dream come true.

so.... all in all we are doing great, feeling great, and keep looking at each other and saying how happy we are that we're here.
more later.

i can't believe he's not sick of me yet

2009-11-29T19:34:00.000-08:00

sometimes tyler acts real cool. like he could take me or leave me cool.
here's why i roll my eyes when he acts like that.
this is him sleeping on the kitchen floor, just so he could be around me while i cooked for hours the day before thanksgiving.
he can sure drive me cuh-razy sometimes, but this about melted my heart.

ps- i have much to update about reno (all good, we love it) which i will do tomorrow.

pps- i love new moon.

we'll leave the light on for you...

2009-11-11T09:04:00.000-08:00

everyone, this is our house that we are renting in reno.
house, this is... everyone.

so, we made a very quick trip to reno this weekend with the intention of finding where we were going to live. we thought it would be not too hard, as we had been doing our research online and through friends etc.
it was hard.
we arrived at our hotel late saturday night, and were back in the car at 8 oclock sunday morning for a full day of driving all around reno. we wanted to get a feel for the different areas and neighborhoods, and look at some houses. also, as we were leaving monday at like noon, we kind of were under a crunch.
eight hours later we were still driving around, screaming at each other off and on, and feeling yucky about our life in general. you know when you look at a house and you imagine your life there and you want to throw up? yeah, that was us all day.
at about 4:30 i had to pee real bad and wanted to go back to the hotel... but tyler wanted to go drive through one more neighborhood. tyler won (big surprise).
but guess what happened? we started driving into the neighborhood and immediately had a different feeling than the one that had been with us all day. we were in love. it was a neighborhood we could get on board with. we got so panicky/excited. tyler swerved the car to a stop on the side of the road and announced that we needed to say a prayer, and that he would say it.
he prayed that we would be guided to the place that we were supposed to be, etc. we said amen, pulled back onto the road, and literally 10 seconds later were in the driveway of this house looking at the for rent sign in the yard.
our mouths dropped open and we knew it was no coincidence.

i just feel so happy.

it's really hard to feel nervous or scared about a move like this when every step of the way, things have happened like this.
when you know that you are doing the right thing, everything just kind of falls into place.

by the way, we are moving this sunday, nov 15th.

entertainment is my weakness

2009-10-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

i love to be entertained. more than anything. "i love it so much i'm gonna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant." (30 rock). see, much of my talking consists of quotes from said entertainment. in fact, i even married the most high maintenance man on planet earth because above all else, he is very entertaining.
so, if you love to be entertained as much as i do, then here's some stuff for you to check out...

note: i got these from hulu, not youtube, which was convenient for me, but not for you, as you may have to watch an ad before the clip. sorry! also, for some reason they are zoomed in weird. i am computer retarded. sorry.

*community: it's on nbc. it's so funny- i cannot stress this enough. and as if i couldn't love it anymore, they ended the last episode with my favorite violent femmes song playing in the background. sigh. here's a little sampling for you...
(warning, this gets super stuck in your head)

value="http://www.hulu.com/embed/elaqbmc3VItUaPpiSRqRcg">

*let me say, i am snl's number one fan. i have been my entire life. i grew up watching reruns on comedy central, and tyler and i have almost every best of dvd that they have made. it has had it's ups and downs, but they are so funny lately! nothing makes me happier than a hilarious snl sketch. here's a few of my recent favorites...

i don't know why this is so funny to me, but i think it's my favorite digital short ever. i love andy samberg... but really, who doesn't? warning: it says jacka** one time.

two words... girlfriend voice

this one is a little long (6 mins) but i was laughing so hard. i love kristen wiig. go picabo... go picabo ... (it's in the skit). ps- white pete is gerard butler.

there are sooo many others, but i digress. on to the next...

*GLEE.
i had to put it in all caps, even though i normally use no caps, because that is how much i love it. i love it i love it i love it. (molly shannon). it hits all your emotions in every episode. it is the epitome of being entertained to me. the singing sometimes makes me choked up. i'll give you an example or two. fyi- kristen chenoweth is my idol after her guest starring role (she's in the second clip).

okay, i have to stop because i actually have stuff to do today. i hope you took the time to enjoy these clips that i so lovingly prepared for you.

i can't believe i haven't blogged this yet

2009-10-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

sooo, for those of you who haven't heard for certain, it is officially official.
we are moving to....

if my 17 year old self knew that my 27 year old self would be super excited about moving to reno, she would die from shock.... (when you grow up in tahoe you are real snobby towards carson and reno... no offense but it's true)

that said, i am sooo excited.
and scared. and having anxiety attacks.
kinda stressed.

i don't do change very well. even when i feel like the change is the right thing to do. example: when we sold our big tv in the living room because we didn't want to take it in the move, i laid face down on the floor, depressed all night. as i laid there i thought that selling that tv too soon was the only regret of my life. that's what i'm talking about when i say i don't do change very well.

it's okay though, cause when i get real panicky i think of how close i will be to tahoe... and an airport... and stores... and costco... and my family...

and i can't wait.

but i think i need my mommy berta to move with me. (please? dottie will miss you too much.)

anyway, we should be leaving sometime in november... i'll post any updates.

wish us luck!!

Julie Came!

2009-10-16T20:49:00.000-07:00

so did matt, but he's not as pretty, so he didn't get to be in the picture...

she brought her puupy! and we bought our puppies matching sweaters!

gwen looks like dottie's mini me. i love gwen. gwen loves dottie. dottie loves gwen. julie loves gwen and dottie. i love julie. all of them love me.

they did a LOT of this.

so pretty, right? this is dottie teaching gwen to not come when called. one of dottie's specialties. the secret is to run very far into the farmers field so your respective mothers cannot catch you.

can you tell we don't have kids?

Happy Birthday!!

2009-08-12T08:12:00.001-07:00

I wish it was my birthday, so I could party too.
Oh wait, that would mean I would be 27, like you old ladies.
Nevermind.
Just for the record...
Sara's is today.
Julie's is Sunday.
Love you!!!

PS- you guys + me + kirsti + mimi's house, within the next year, okay??

a very extensive photo update

2009-08-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

okay... i know i am super lazy when it comes to uploading pictures on my blog, so i decided to get it over with in one big post. here is an update on our summer...

i did a little photo shoot of tyler last night while he was shooting his bow. here is the pose he is known for.

this is him trying to hold the pose while he is shooting- ha.

his little stroke hand trying to put his arrow in his bow.

a self portrait since i'm the only one who ever takes pictures.

sigh... i'm a lucky girl. look at this little sweetheart.

i told you, they're off the hook... sorry about the shirt, i don't know how to edit.

the current sucker of tyler's time. his 63 ragtop bug. notice how low it is to the ground. when we drive it around town he counts all the people that stare at "how sweet it is", while i roll my eyes at "how cool he thinks he is".

a couple pics from julie's wedding. this is when we were helping with the wedding flowers.

best friends. big surprise that kirsti's eyes are closed- ha.

dottie loves shauna.

such a kirsti face.

pretty mommy and daughter.

my current passtime: writing and diet dr pepper. they go hand in hand. isn't my new laptop cute? notice, best friends, that you are my screen saver. much to tyler's dismay. he's so jealous.

this is what dottie does to her food bowl when it is empty. she's such a brat.

this is what tyler does when i won't help him make the bed, and i tell him to do it himself. can you guess which side is his? he's an even bigger brat than dottie.

a beautiful tomato in my garden, that i am about to go pick and use in a fiesta bowl for lunch. delish.

i wasn't lying about the corn. can you believe that?? that is tyler with his hand all the way up standing in the middle. it is starting to husk out everywhere. i have a feeling we're going to have more than we know what to do with.

that's all for now... but posts three days in a row??? i can hardly believe it myself.

in my life

2009-08-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

i love looking through memorabilia. it is like my favorite thing ever. looking through old pictures, reading old journals, yearbooks, etc. i even love watching home videos. i'm not sure why. i think it's because i love the life i have lived, i love the people in my life, i love the experiences i've had, and memories i've made. i have such good memories.
i was looking through my high school / college journal today (for writing inspiration) and i came across so many funny and meaningful things. one was a letter to me, that was folded and tucked between pages from kirsti. it contains the nicest things you can possibly say to another person. i love kirsti. i am so grateful that she has been such a big part of my life for so long, and i am so grateful that we are as much best friends as ever.
another letter i found tucked in was from tyler. it was a letter attatched to my christmas present at our first christmas gift exchange, when we had been dating for 3 months. i had to put it on here, cause it is the cutest ever, and so tyler. i love tyler. i'm so glad i married him.

and i quote...

Merry Christmas Nicole
I know when you read this I will probably be sitting by your side, so I won't write a big letter or any gay stuff. I just wanted to thank you for all you do, you are such an example for me. Your dedication to serve the Lord is awesome. You always strive so hard to be better and to help those around you be the best. I'm sorry I get in bad moods almost every second, but I'm glad my girlfriend is patient with me. I'm so glad I have had the chance to meet you and be your boyfriend, because it has changed my life. I have learned so much from you (sometimes too much). I'm excited to see what lays in store for the future. Hope you have a merry christmas with your family.
Love, Tyler (your favorite boyfriend ever)

this is my marriage... welcome

2009-08-04T08:55:00.001-07:00

i'm happy and i know it

2009-07-30T21:29:00.000-07:00

here's why,

1. i'm going to tahoe in august
2. the jabba wokkies (spelling???) their little performance on sytycd was my dream come true. if you want to know what i dream about, it's that. and waxing people's faces with honey. it was really stressful.
3. my garden is off the chizzain. like really good. our corn is at least... ten feet tall.
4. dottie got sprayed with a skunk tonight, but i am sleeping at the boice's (dogsitting not divorce), so i don't have to deal with it at all! have fun with that ty.
5. i drank lots and lots of diet dr. pepper.
6. when i told kelly i was in demand she said, "with who?? the change giver at the fast food window??" i laughed real hard.
7. tyler called me for a phone number and when i went to give it to him he said (in all seriousness), "wait i don't have a pen... oh here's a stick, i'll just write it in the dirt." i repeat it was in all seriousness.
8. i've been writing like a bat out of hell... if bats could write.
9. my two friends who read all that writing and tell me how wonderful i am... even though i think they are just being nice sometimes.... but sometimes i agree with them.
10. i have been laughing so much lately. i am finding everything extremely funny. frankly, i'm jovial. i don't know why, but isn't laughing the best? and the great thing is, it's mostly when i'm by myself.

ps- sorry for the lists all the time... it's my most comfortable writing medium.

tyler

2009-07-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

yesterday tyler called me to tell me that the back window of his truck totally shattered out of nowhere. he said he thought he handled it pretty good though, as he didn't say one swear word, and just dealt with it. i replied, "yep, that's the breaks", to which he said, "what brakes?" and i said "you know, like 'that's the breaks', the expression?" and he said "what?", and i said, "it's a really well known expression, how do not know that?" and he said, "well, i've never heard that before in my life."
whaaaaaat? who has never heard that?
when he got home he told me that after he got off the phone with me he asked devon, the kid that works for him (that he also has a total bromance with), if he knew what 'that's the breaks' meant. to which devon replied, "yeah, it means to slow down, duh."
uhhh, is it an idaho thing?
speaking of devon and tyler's bromance...
it is the funniest thing ever. they talk on the phone all the time, but it is mostly saying things like, "you are so dumb, if you were here right now i'd punch you in the face", said in that flirty, teasing, i'm pretending i'm serious sort of way.
oh the silliness of new love.
the other week in primary tyler told the kids that the reason they were refusing to do something was because they 'probably weren't smart enough to do it'. to which the most reverent, well- behaved boy in our class responded, 'yes we are, you fart'.
tyler and i about died we were laughing so hard.
tyler is real funny.

i love...

2009-06-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

- that kelly describes really good diet coke as "spicy"
- that i just sent a brain wave to kirsti to call me and she did like 20 minutes later (by the way, we only talk like every two weeks, so yeah, it's a big deal)
- tyler's forearms... they are off the hook right now (insert picture of me fanning myself with my hand)
- when you have something stuck in your teeth and you fiddle with it forever with no success, and then it finally dislodges (is that a word?)... that just happened to me
- when you drive past missionaries, and you realize that you are not on a mission, and are by yourself, in your car, blasting guns n roses (that also just happened to me)
- the real housewives of new jersey... and i quote "if you're not familiar with the table flip, you're probably not from new jersey"
- that steve martin refers to himself in his stand-up as a semi-professional comedian... genious
- that i got a total of like, 7 hours sleep during the 5 days i was in utah for julie's wedding... i was like a kid at christmas having my best friends around me. kirsti and i were talking about how it was like we didn't want to waste any of our time together sleeping
- life ( up swing- haha )

babies

2009-06-16T13:58:00.000-07:00

to put it mildly, i'm baby hungry. so is tyler. we really really want a baby. kelly says it's a shame that i am always in her shadow... cause her five years of trying trumps our 1 1/2 years of trying. i'm not depressed about it, and i really don't let myself think about it too often... but the feeling has been getting stronger lately. to be honest though, i'm really good at being selfish... especially with my time. so i always have that to fall back on if the whole baby thing doesn't work out. but in the meantime, i think i'm going to start being proactive and make some doctors appointments for tyler and myself. aren't i such a grown-up? kell has plenty of advice, but is there any advice any of you have? i will glady take it. also in the meantime here are my pictures of inspiration...

STEP NUMBER ONE :

STEP NUMBER TWO :

ps- the top pic is from kell's tumblr, the bottom is from rachel thurston photography, and incidentally looks freakishly like tyler. even the expression.

with our powers combined we are... best friends

2009-06-02T13:42:00.001-07:00

this post is dedicated to kirsti, julie, and sara... my bestest friends.
the four of us will be reunited (for the first time in over 2 years) in one week for julie's wedding, and i am sooo excited. i think all of us are so excited.
so, in dedication to them, and in anticipation of our time together i am going to throw some memories at them to take us back....

-these are in no particular order-

-and it might be stuff you had to be there for-

1. sara deciding she was going to be healthy/fit, straps on her rollerblades and heads down 2nd east. as she passed cars going down the hill, and realized she was about to die, she scanned the blurred scenery for some grass to land on. she found some gravel instead... and we were awoken to a call summoning us to the emergency room where sara was thoroughly drugged. i spent all day in the er with her (where did kirsti and julie go?? why was i the only one stuck there?) and sara had a seizure in my arms.

2.i feel like i have to sensor a little bit to save face for you guys, so i'll just say this.... sara + kirsti + gary + couch in camden apartment + all the rest of us sitting there = real funny and i can't believe we convinced you to do that.

3. of course the infamous waterballooning night (which subsequently got school probation for sara and i). we piled into the bed of a pickup truck with a bunch of local high school boys and knocked on people's doors at 2 in the morning. when someone would half asleep open the door there was a group of like 10 of us hitting them with water balloons. we also broke into a random guy's apartment and stole a WHOA sign that was displayed in their window, and proudly displayed it in ours instead. (we don't have the best judgement when we are all together).

4. remember when sara was roommates with yolanda (or yo as she liked to be called), and sara would wake up every morning to her blasting the nastiest r&b songs, like "yippee i yo yippee i yay, wanna bump your body baby". i am laughing so hard right now just hearing that song in my head... and the classic "my body all over your body". so we made a mix cd of all of yolanda's greatest loved hits and called it 'the sexual chocolates makeout cd'. by the way we were called 'the sexual chocolates'by some of our guy 'friends'- not sure why. is this getting tmi? haha... i need to edit a little more probably.

5. or how about when we were at some basketball game or something in the main gym at the hart and kirsti and i were talking to some people when sara and julie came tearing through the crowd... and when i say tearing, i mean they were litteraly frantically running and pushing through the crowd ( i will always have the mental picture of sara doing this). anyway, she was coming to tell me that she had talked to chet (who i was super super obsessed with) and that she super akwardly and obviously brought up yours truly and he said i was a cute girl. ahhh, college. sara devoted so much time to trying to bring chet and i together that we were half convinced that he thought that sara was in love with him. there are plenty of other chet stories (one in particular that sara and i can still to this day barely mention cause it is sooo embarassing) but i digress.

6. we never had a car, so it was always hitchhiking. but sara and julie's roommate jessica had a car our sophmore year, and so we would pile, no joke, like 10 people into her civic was it? some small car. not everyone could fit into the main part of the car, so there was always at least 2 people in the trunk, sometimes 3. we lovingly referred to it as the "boom boom room" cause the occupants were usually coed, and everytime jessica hit the brakes the trunk would go from pitch black to red lighting. what happens in the boom boom room, stays in the boom boom room ;)

7. how about when we ran into andrew at the homecoming dance. he was one of the many boys who had made out with sara, and then dissapeared off the planet, never to be seen or heard from again. we were walking through the dance floor when we happened upon him and his date. sara stopped short and bellowed out, "andrew!! you never call, you never write... how ya been??" like they were long lost friends. the look on his face was priceless.

8. oh the chairs. i love the chairs. that is where we would meet between (and during) classes all throughout the day. it was in the main building by the cafeteria and the bookstore, and great for people watching and running into people. one day they had set up an 'academic bowl' in the main area by the chairs for anyone who wanted to participate. of course we wanted to participate. so the four of us were a team plus one guy we didn't know, but grabbed to be our fifth player.... he actually ended up falling off the platform on his chair part way through it, if i recall correctly. all day no one had really cared enough to gather around and watch the academic bowl, but i swear there at least 50 people that stopped and were watching us play. it was hilarious. the most memorable answer came from kirsti, who answered "empire records" to a history question about something taking place in what empire.

9. speaking of chairs... i just remembered that we stole all of arcadia nate's dining room chairs out of his apartment one night when no one was home... then we set them up on the street corner by the royal crest tennis courts and sang and rapped for the passersby. i rapped the humpty dance in it's entirety for a couple of guys. then we felt bad about stealing the chairs, especially when the guys were so mad about it and didn't know it was us, so we hid them in julie's apartment for the rest of the year.

10. okay, this is getting long so i will stop at ten... even though there are ten million. this is the best one and the most memorable to all of us. the night the four of us laid in the middle of the football field and talked. we wondered that night who would get married first, have kids, go on nissions (i told you you would never go sara ) and basically realized that we would be friends for ever and ever.

i love you guys. and i'm so happy for you julie. i can't wait until north south east and west are reunited once again. and i will be calling an official meeting of the ryan sitler fan club while we are together, seeing as i'm president and all.

save the drama for your mama

2009-05-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

as i was reading through the internet, i came across a tumblr that consisted of quotes, sayings, and pics people have taken of their written on hands... you get the idea. stuff like that is real addicting to me to read. and some of it is pretty funny, with a few genuinely inspiring quotes thrown in ... but i can only take so much of the:
*love = like x like
*did you really mean forever?
*i just want to be where you are
*i was born to tell you i love you
etc. etc., written on torn up scraps of paper and what not before my eyes are in danger of rolling right out of my head. don't get me wrong peeps, i am super dramatic, i just have a limit to how dramatic i can be before i am really embarassed of myself. anyway, in one of these super dramatic posts about love, the first sentence said that love is like the leftovers in a refrigerator. well that got a big eye roll, but it also reminded me of one of my favorite poems of all time by billy collins, called litany. it is hilarious. do yourself a favor and read it.

Litany by Billy Collins

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine.

hey- oh

2009-05-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

has anyone read city of bones?? *spoiler* what the what that he turns out to be her brother. i was seriously disturbed by that... it took me a couple of days to recover. you don't have two characters fall in love and kiss and then have them find out they are siblings. gross. i hope beyond hope that there is a loophole or something, but it seems like a pretty airtight case. sigh.

oh, one more movie (documentary) that i am so excited for : Anvil, the story of anvil. look up the trailer... it looks like new york doll. same kinda thing.
sidenote: who came up with that title?? anvil, the story of anvil?? who would we think the story was about? head shake.

i am officially low carb.... for two days and counting. i am looking forward to being skinny. thumbs up.

walk it out

2009-05-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

okay, i didn't think it was possible that anyone hadn't seen this... but while we were having a walk it out contest this weekend during cooking club/baby shower/dance party at my house, i discovered that those girls indeed did not know what i was talking about... here it is. so funny.

ps- i will post more later about my very fun girl weekend. i seriously love all the girls that stayed at my house. they are the bomb. do you know how hard it is to come by girls that are beautiful, smart, witty, fun, spiritual, great dancers, etc, etc?? i feel so lucky to know them all.

i'm so excited about life right now. here's why:

2009-04-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

1. "the year one" with jack black and michael cera comes out in june.
2. the "paper heart" trailer.
3. the trailer on shauna's blog for "500 days of summer".
4. the sequels to night at the museum and transformers (i love shia lebeouf)
-they're not all movies, i promise, but there are so many good movies coming out-
5. elantris... which is the title of the book i just finished, that you should all start reading today if you haven't already. sooo good!
6. heir to sevenwaters, which i am about to start reading, which is book number four in a series that i love by an author named juliet marrilier. look it up, they're also real good.
7. the office and 30 rock are so funny.
8. it's about time to start our garden.
9. our lawn is coming in so green and pretty.
10. julie's wedding.
11. writing is like, my favorite thing to do... and my book is coming along real well. i love to write dialogue. it's kinda like playing scrabble against yourself (which i have done). i'm not sure how else to put it.
12. i'm planning on going to tahoe this summer.
13. the cooking club girls + shauna are coming to stay at my house this weekend- yay!
14. my latest two amazon purchases which include the cd of steve martin's stand up act in the 70's, "let's get small", and shakesphere's sonnets. both classics.

i could go on and on, but you get the idea.

reading is so hot right now

2009-04-20T14:15:00.000-07:00

i'm always a voracious reader (which is why i know words like voracious)... but i have been on a roll even for me.
i'm currently reading "extremely loud and incredibly close", and it is amazing. i keep calling kelly and reading her lines (which she hates), and cornering tyler and reading him pages (which he tolerates). it is so brilliant and witty and endearing and emotional and laugh out loud funny. it is also very inspiring to me as a writer- yes i call myself a writer now (which kelly tolerates)- because he writes in such an unorthodox way. it helps take the scariness out of writing by reminding you that really, there are no rules.
i also just got in the mail from amazon (my fav) the collected poems of emily dickenson. it is such a yummy book cover. i have also been calling kelly to read her lines out of that (which she only pretends to listen to). here is my favorite so far...

Did our Best Moment last-
'Twould supersede the Heaven-
A few- and they by Risk- procure-
So this sort- are not given-

Except as stimulants- in
Cases of Despair-
Or Stupor- The Reserve-
These Heavenly Moments are-

A Grant of the Divine-
That Certain as it Comes-
Withdraws- and leaves the dazzled Soul
In her unfurnished Rooms

just a few things

2009-03-29T20:12:00.000-07:00

we learned early on with our new primary class that they need to be occupied with arts and crafts if we want to get them to listen at all, and that they love love love to use scissors. so today in our class one of the little girls asked if it was time yet to "color and snip". i thought that was so funny. the same little girl last week, during a trip to the bathroom, told me that at her house she wasn't allowed to say "what the?", but at ellie's house she was allowed to say "what the?". she is real funny.
by the way when i took her to the bathroom last week, tyler was left with the boys in the classroom, and apparently one of them told him he had to the bathroom too. he's pretty hyperactive/naughty/possibly autistic (we think haha), so tyler assumed he was just trying to get out of class, and told him to just poop his pants. (ty told me this later.... and yes, tyler says things like that to the kids... and fake cries... and sings songs in real funny voices... and makes fart sounds...). well i get back to class and this little boy doesn't want to sit in his chair. there is also a strong aroma of poop in the classroom. yep, you guessed it, he pooped his pants. oh primary.
last week while ty and i were walking to the car, he was texting someone and asked me "is there a space in asshole?" oh tyler.
in sacrament meeting today i had to give the closing prayer, so during the closing song we were discussing what i should say. tyler was telling me that i needed to say a really bad prayer so that we would never get asked to speak in sacrament. we were laughing so hard at the things we were coming up with... please help me not to hate my husband.... please bless our little puppy dog dottie... maybe you had to be there.

i should have been a great many things...

2009-02-28T11:32:00.000-08:00

... not the least of which is a dancer. oh boy, i had the house all to myself last night as ty was at his bowhunter certification course.. and there's nothing i love better than a house all to myself- especially at night. i'm weird that way. so i went to red box and then came home and made a scrumptious dinner and watched... drum roll please... center stage 2: turn it up. it was sooo horrible and i loved every second of it. i mean the main girls acting was worse than a school play, but she did have some moves. oh i loved it. immediately following the credits, i rewatched a few selected scenes, then turned up my stereo real loud and danced for -no joke- like 45 minutes in my kitchen. and i'm talking full on dancing. i was sweating. i haven't danced like that in years. it was a wonderful night.

today's happenings

2009-02-26T18:38:00.000-08:00

i had a very pleasant day today. tyler and i had the whole day with no commitments, except taking my car in to get the windshield replaced. so we rolled out of bed in sweats and went to drop it off at 8 this morning, then went home and slept until almost 11, which i haven't done in sooo long and it felt great. it probably would have been longer except tyler was awake, and cannot let me sleep while he is awake.

so we got up, had a leisurely breakfast, and then decided that we would walk to pick up the car. we figured it was about 2-3 miles, and that if we got walking fast it wouldn't be too cold. it was sooooo cold. we almost turned around after the first half mile or so, but we kept on. then we made a turn and the wind was blowing straight at us for about a mile. that was the point when we wanted to die, but we kept on. then we made another turn and it got bearable again, and we had a good talk and made some goals together. we clocked our walk on the way back and it was 3.7 miles. not too bad eh? we were proud of ourselves, although my butt didn't thaw out for about an hour. then we were so tired from our walk that we crawled into bed and watched a movie. well, i watched a movie and tyler slept.

then tonight we stopped by this cat adoption house that we had heard about. they rescue all the cats from the shelter and abusive homes, get them neutered and vaccinated, and then help them get adopted into good homes. oh my, it's like my heaven on earth. it is a house full of hilarious cute cats. i think that i am going to start volunteering there, as they need a lot of help, and i love cats. tyler loved it too even though he's allergic. it's the kind of place were you lean over and a cat uses your back to jump onto another surface. so funny.

anyways, nothing too exciting today, i am just trying to keep up on the blogging. you know, keep the creative juices flowing.

several more things

2009-02-25T14:03:00.000-08:00

okay i finished princess acadamy yesterday and i loved it so much i gave it a big hug. for reals miri is one of my favorite heroines ever. because i really like her. i love a lot of books without particularly loving and respecting the main character (cough... twilight), but miri i love. i love what she says and does and thinks. she is up there with elizabeth bennett to me.

so now i'm on to reading ender's game... i swear i don't just read mormon authors. it's real good so far i am excited to read the series. makes you appreciate that we haven't been attacked by aliens you know?

do you know who else i love? tina fey. i feel like if only she really knew me she would drop amy poehler- who trys much too hard to be funny- and we would be best best friends.

here's what i don't love... blogs that are mean or mocking that give you a bad feeling when you read them. it makes me remember why i go through blog famines of 9 months when i click on a blog like that. i don't venture out of my friends and family often, but i did today and did not like what i found. kelly and i talk about all the time how she struggles with wanting to do a funny post about something or other, but refraining because she doesn't want her blog to be anywhere near snarky. it's hard for her sometimes to keep it all pleasant and uplifting, but what a difference when you click on her blog. can't everyone just be nice and content with their own life. of course people (and especially mormons) are easy to mock, but that doesn't mean that you should do it... and it certainly doesn't make you look good.

by the way i started writing a little last night. i can't believe i am talking about this at all cause i am so embarassed by it. i think what sparked it was that kelly told me i couldn't /shouldn't write fiction. that i am meant to write insightfully about real life. maybe i'll do both kelly. (just kidding if this sounds mean on kelly cause she is my biggest supporter). anyways, i'll never share anything ever to any of you, but i just thought you should know. :)

several things

2009-02-24T10:18:00.000-08:00

first of all, shauna has a blog now which i am very proud of her for / excited about. check it out she is very talented.

also, i really liked kelly's post today about life being different than what you plan it out to be. soooo true. i never thought that i would be 26 with no kids. c'est la vie right? tyler and i made the mistake of actually getting our hopes up this month only to be double crushed. however it has sparked my mind to think about other options. so, i'm trying to get pregnant and that's what we want super bad, but in the mean time i guess i could bump up some "long term" goals that i have. like i think i might want to go back to school for one. i know that at some point i am supposed to finish and get a masters in social work, but i always pictured that way down the road when i had older kids. why not now? i told tyler about maybe wanting to go back and he said the only reason to go back would be to make more money. oh tyler... he's all about the benjamins.

thirdly, we watched "american mormon" last night, that funny documentary where they go around talking to people on the streets about what they think of mormons. totally reminded me of being on a mission, except the people were nicer. this one girl said that mormons didn't dance, that it was outlawed.... he looked at her and said "that sounds kinda like foot loose". i laughed so hard i spit my water on the carpet.

fourth, i am finally reading the princess academy and i really like it and i really like miri. like a lot. maybe i love her.... but i don't know cause i'm only half way through the book so far. i really want to write. that is my ultimate dream job is to write novels. it is so close to my heart and i am so scared of it... and because i'm scared i never just start writing... because what if i try to start writing and i discover that all my sentences are really long and run on and i don't know how to shorten them to an acceptable length?

lastly, brett's family came up for the long weekend and it was so fun and cozy. i love their kids so much, and they are so respectful and well behaved, it's unbelievable. except of course for the boogar that someone about ian's height left on the wall in the hallway. nobody's perfect.

man up ladies

2009-02-19T14:05:00.000-08:00

i think this is about one of the best quotes i have ever heard...
"to be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our savior, is an especially noble calling. the righteous woman's strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times." - spencer w. kimball

ta da

2009-02-09T21:29:00.000-08:00

look at me blogging. aren't i amazing?
i've just been busy doing some soul searching and coming out of a kinda depression. the usual.
anyway, i'm doing really good, and feel like i'm regaining control over my life. as much control as i can ever have over myself that is. (i'm pretty hard to control... just ask tyler).
i am currently looking forward to brett and fam coming up for the weekend and for taxes to be done.
thank you and goodnight.

tahoes

2008-08-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

i would like to take a minute to express my extreme love and gratitude for these two beautiful women holding navy's hands.

i feel like teija and kirsti are apart of my soul.

i don't know what better way to put it than that.

teija left me a message on my phone the other day (i promise i'm calling back real soon!) and i have kept it saved on there for a couple weeks now because every time i hear it it makes my heart full. full with love and memories and growing up and dancing and skinny dipping and long long talks and family and my mom and tahoe and a million other things.

what i wouldn't give to be able to rewind the clock and redo some of my memories with these two. remember when we went to great america and we drove like two hours past it and had to turn around and go back, so we didn't get there until so late?

or at girls camp when we learned that teija's hair was just too thin to go without a week of washing- haha.

all the parties that we went to, but the only recreational activity we participated in was dancing.

just to name a few.

anywho, i love you both you have huge chunks of my heart dedicated to you, you are my sisters forever.

love, nicole

i would like to say something...

2008-08-06T14:00:00.001-07:00

shame on all of you who are piecing apart breaking down with your critiques. can't you just be grateful that stephenie meyer- bless her heart- wrote these books in the first place? it's her story, not yours. if you want it to end differently or be more "realistic" (are you kidding me people who said that, it's about vampires and werewolves), i say write your own damn book, and just say thank you for hers. amen.

sorry i've been m.i.a.

2008-07-31T09:25:00.000-07:00

sorry for the long break... i've been in hole up mode for like two months. there is so much i have been wanting to post on... here are a few
1- we've been very busy landscaping our yard. and by we i mean tyler- ha. "we" are just about there... our sprinkler system is in, and ty just planted the lawn last weekend, so hopefully that will be coming up soon. next on the list are getting some outdoor furniture from ikea, and getting a trampoline and hammock for the backyard. and then you are all invited for a big backyard party!
2- dottie was very sick the other day. i don't even really want to talk about it, it makes me sick to my stomach. i got home from errands and she was acting like she had a stroke. she tried to jump on my leg and fell over backwards, that kinda thing. i freaked out big time. i called roberta and then the vet, and he said it sounded like a mild stroke. i got off the phone with him and started hysterically sobbing and hugging dottie. i don't think i handle that kind of stuff very well any more. long story short she is doing a ton better now. pretty much back to normal. i am so happy and relieved. i'm still watching her close, but i think she'll be okay. kelly told me that cate prayed for her and said, "please let dottie not be sick, i love her sooooo much".
3- in primary this sunday, the sunbeam class was up teaching sharing time, and one of the little boys pulled out his "guns" (both his hands fully equipped with gun noises), and started shooting his brother that was in a different class. it spread like wildfire. no boy can resist the siren call of gunfire. i'm surprised tyler didn't whip his out. he probably would have if we weren't laughing so hard. every boy in the room was firing at each other (one even pulled out his shotgun, cocked it and fired) and it was like we were in a war zone. all the teachers quieted them down pretty quick but it was such a classic primary moment.
4- tyler and i are leaving in a couple hours for colorado! i am so excited. i've never been to colorado, and i love going somewhere new. even more than that i love staying in hotels. i can never sleep in because i'm so excited for the breakfast downstairs in the morning, and afraid that i'll miss it. anywho, we're going for the walker lawn mower "family reunion". it's their big convention thing at the headquarters in ft. collins. it's a pretty big shindig, and even better is that coates landscape, bless their hearts, is paying for our registration to go, and for our three night stay at the marriott. isn't that so nice? i am definitly making them a yummy thank you. ty and i can't wait for the gettaway. we need a break! and i love "vacation tyler". he is so much more easy going. dottie is staying with her grandma berta while we are gone. don't think i'm lame all you people with human children, but i realized this is the longest we've ever been away from her, and i'm real sad to leave her. thanks to berta for dealing with FOUR dogs for the weekend! we owe you one.
well, i think that's all for now. hopefully i'll take many beautiful pictures of colorado to share when i get back.

a chat with friends

2008-06-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

the following is a random interview with two of my very best friends (sara and kirsti) and my sister kelly. enjoy getting to know them a little better... i know i did. keep in mind their answers were independent of each other.

** what were you doing when i called you?

sara: cutting up an apple for hallie

kirsti: watching HGTV

kelly: sewing

**if you could have any celebrity as your best friend, who would it be?

sara: reese witherspoon

kirsti: nicole richie

kelly: drew barrymore, wait am i allowed to smoke pot?

**favorite movie?

sara: superstar

kirsti: empire records

kelly: sixteen candles

**what do you think is your best quality?

sara: easy going

kirsti: easy going

kelly: i'm hilarious

**worst quality?

sara: i don't have any

kirsti: lazy

kelly: i'm really really selfish and mean. i scream at people. how do you sum that up in one word?

**jolie or aniston?

sara: aniston... jolie is a homewrecker

kirsti: jolie... well she's just so hot

kelly: aniston [in a sing song voice]

**what five books on a desert island?

sara: twilight,new moon, eclipse, book of mormon, breaking dawn

kirsti: pride and prejudice, i'd probably have to bring the book of mormon, i think i could live without anything else. maybe the last harry potter.... ummm..... us weekly?

kelly: scriptures, pride and prejudice, stop worrying and start living, anne of green gables, the bound woks of martha stewart

**if you were famous, what would you want it to be for?

sara: model... a model idiot. [in zoolander voice]

kirsti: either a victoria's secret model or building lots of orphanages in china. but only a victoria's secret model, i wouldnt want to be any other kind.

kelly: design

**if you could be living anywhere in the world, where would it be?

sara: huntington beach

kirsti: newport beach

kelly: london

**all time favorite tv show?

sara: desperate housewives

kirsti: my so called life

kelly: gilmore girls

** would you rather have a personal chef, maid, or trainer?

sara: chef... because i don't exercise if at all possible

kirsti: trainer

kelly: maid

**if you were an actress, would you be the kind that lives in brooklyn or malibu?

sara: malibu

kirsti: malibu. i'd like to be the type that would live in brooklyn, but no.

kelly: malibu

**hot dog or hamburger?

sara: hamburger

kirsti: hamburger

kelly: yes please

**beach, mountains, or city?

sara: beach

kirsti: crap... beach

kelly: a beach in the mountains with a city 30 minutes away.... commonly known as lake tahoe

**what is your favorite memory with me?

sara: probably our stereo war our bedroom we shared. it was our first ever real fight. we both wanted to listen to different music, so we were both playing our stereos and kept turning them up louder and louder to top each other.

kirsti: listening to blue (eiffel 65) driving around looking for a party [high school]. we pulled in to 7-11 to look up the street [carson st] in the phonebook, and realized as we looked at the map, and then up, that we were right next to it.

kelly: del taco drive thru. [your guess is as good as mine]

**favorite fast food establishment?

sara: mcdonald's

kirsti: arby's

kelly: del taco

** favorite magazine?

sara: people

kirsti: well, it's gotta be us weekly

kelly: martha stewart living

**on time or late?

sara: late

kirsti: on time- unless i'm traveling with nicole

kelly: like 45 minutes late

**working hard or hardly working?

sara: more working hard these days

kirsti: hardly working

kelly: depends on if i like the work or not. hardly working- let's be honest.

** do you feel that you kissed too many boys before you were married or not enough?

sara: just right... is that an answer?

kirsti: i think just perfect.... 50's pretty good right?

kelly: too many

** archeletta or cook?

sara: archeletta

kirsti: cook

kelly: who?

**what is your guiltiest pleasure?

sara: tostitos with a hint of lime

kirsti: whole can of cream cheese frosting

kelly r- rated movies

**what celebrity do people tell you you look like?

sara: they don't

kirsti: cameron diaz

kelly: drew barrymore

** what celebrity do you wish they told you you look like?

sara: jessica alba

kirsti: angelina jolie

kelly: i can't think of anyone pretty enough to commit

** what is your favorite blog that you read?

sara: kelly's

kirsti: kelly's

kelly: mine- haha

** would you give up diet coke for a thousand dollars?

sara: yeah i would... then i would start again in one month

kirsti: no

kelly: yes (i'm lying)

** where do you see yourself in 10 years?

sara: 2 more kids and saggier boobs

kirsti: hopefully living in a nice house with a rockstar husband, and not having to worry about anything

kelly: umm...... 40?

thoughts that my mind has been thinking about

2008-05-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

*getting out of debt! if you haven't heard of dave ramsey, google him right now, and do what he says. he knows what he's talking about.
*the blogging world is so funny to me. one of the many things that i find amusing is people's tendency to slip into spanish when talking about their loved ones. is this like a trend i don't know about? it seems to be the cool thing to do. maybe i'll start referring to dottie as punto perro (dot dog) it has a nice ring to it don't you think?
*so you think you can dance. or as it is known to the elite, sytycd. i can't believe how close it is. it makes my heart soar.
*food storage. well food storage and just being as self-sustaining as we can. i'm thinking about it sooo much, and it is weighing heavily on my mind. ty and i are very motivated right now. by golly, we are going to be ready for the end of the world. bring on the disasters, we dare you.
[the above dare was not issued to God. just wanted to clarify. again, i am not tempting God in any way. thank you.]
* speaking of food... recipes. i'm craving some new ones to try. anyone know of a good website?
*tyler wants a baby real bad. isn't that cute? he's getting real anxious for one. i can't wait to see him be a dad.
*kirsti, if you're reading this, i need you to call me for your interview (i'll explain). that is all.

my happy thrifting trip

2008-05-15T21:20:00.000-07:00

goodbye ives children...

2008-05-14T19:00:00.000-07:00

bright and early sunday morning the kids made me breakfast in bed for mothers day. (if you think this picture of me is scary, you should have seen the ones she took before this.)

their mothers day tradition is to make breakfast in bed for their "mom". however, more often than not it is one of their mother's sisters than heather herself- haha.

i'll miss you guys! thanks for the fun trip!

tradition

2008-05-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking...

i really want to start gathering some traditions now, before i have children, so that i can instill them in my family from day one.

of course i already bring some from my family. (well, mostly just eating, being cozy, and watching movies).

and tyler already brings some from his family. (bob doing the dishes after we all eat dinner- ha).

but i'm talking about traditions for my own family, that my kids will think on with warm memories, the way i do about my growing up.

that's something that has been hard for me (internally). it has been hard for me to let go of being the child and to feel ready to provide that childhood for another.

maybe it has something to do with my mom? with how different my family situation is now?

probably.

it's hard for me to think about my growing up and have my heart not ache.

is that normal? anyone else feel that way?

one thing that i know is that tyler has been the reason that i have dealt with it as well as i have.

he is so solid and loyal, so all embracing of our own little family as what matters most to him in the world.

and so back to the start...

i want to start gathering traditions of our own.

will you share with me some of your favorites?

i promise if i steal them i'll give you credit.

heathie's cozy house

2008-05-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

roberta has requested more pics of my little getaway down here, so here goes...

aaahhh, heaven.

where the magic happens.

cozy living room with humongous tv.

what i have been watching on the humongous tv... home videos. i'm watching all the ones with my mom in them and then crying afterwards. sounds kinda depressing- i know- but i've been enjoying it. isn't she pretty?

craft/computer room where i am as i type this.

billiard parlor... and yes that's another huge tv on the wall. this house is great.

ooohhh, the coziest bed ever. i have been sleeping so good!

in fact that is looking pretty good right now. i am exhausted!

ps- did anyone watch 30 rock? it wasn't my most favorite episode, but it definitly had it's highlights. do you think jack and liz are eventually going to end up together?

whoop whoop (with a raise the roof)

2008-05-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

i took a four hour bath last night (until 2:30 in the morning) reading this dang book... and now that it's over i miss it so much. i just want to be back in that world among those characters.

do yourself a favor and read this. you will be thoroughly entertained as you ponder humanity, love, agency....

and a little bit of bridled lust.

(it is stephenie meyer after all)

i miss...

2008-05-08T09:25:00.001-07:00

this super hot boy

(the one on the left)

and this super naughty doggy

see you on sunday!

be still my heart

2008-05-07T13:22:00.000-07:00

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=33429578

click on this...

you're welcome.

wish you were here...

2008-05-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

some long overdue tahoe pics

2008-05-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

these are some pictures from the trip that tyler and i made to tahoe in march.

the beautiful lake

ty and i after eating dinner with my dad, kathi, and gwen and jay, at the zephyr cove lodge. the dinner was so delicious, the atmosphere perfect, and the company entertaining to say the least. anyone who knows jay will know what i'm talking about. hilarious.

one of the pics from dad, tyler, and my drive around the lake. for those of you who don't know, this is emerald bay.

view from the parking lot of edgewood golf course, where they have the celebrity golf tournament every year.

playing rock band at kenny's house with kelsie. kenny is probably singing "creep", by radiohead. he always wanted to be the singer and he always wanted to sing creep. but if he did let you sing, you had to sing loud or he would get mad at you.

dad and tyler looking over the aptly named fanny bridge.

miss sophia.

sorry, i got it the wrong way.

dad in a stunning pic taken by tyler.

so cute. she looks like a perfect combo of kenny and leticia to me.

ooohhhh, i'm so obsessed with this place... tyler too. and i guess my dad is too. at least i would be if i won over a hundred bucks on the singing elvis slot machine. if you want some good true dirt to read, google search the cal neva resort and frank sinatra together. (he used to own it until he had his gaming license revoked because of his mafia connections). he was all mixed up with the kennedys, marilyn monroe, the mafia, etc. etc. good stuff. very interesting. and fyi- JFK was like the biggest sleaze bag ever... why do people think he was so great?

well, that's all for now. i have a ton more pics to post, including pics about my little trip here in the valley of the sun (that's what phoenix is right). anyway, i'll post more tomorrow.

goodnight!

update your blog kirsti!

2008-04-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

i was going to go on a blog writers strike until kirsti updated her blog (at least that's what i threatened her with [scary, i know]), but i figure that may never happen, so here goes.
events of the moment...
i have been working working working, which is good- i can't complain... but it was nice to have saturday off to finally clean my house and get some laundry done.
tyler and i have been working out almost every day at anytime fitness, our new most favorite place. i have not lost any weight, while tyler's muscles have doubled in size. lovely. but it does feel wonderful, and i know weight loss can't be far off.
tyler and i hosted a delicious sunday dinner at our house last night. in attendance were bob, berta, alice, griffin, katrina, and shauna. i made spagghetti with homemade delicious meatballs (with flax and oats mixed in among other things), peas, deliciouse fresh salad with bell peppers, avacade, cilantro etc., and homemade breadsticks (which i am getting pretty darn good at making). after dinner we watched rob & big, which everyone thought was hilarious except alice, who asked us what joke she was missing.
i leave for arizona on thursday for ten days to babysit heather's kids. i am so excited for pool time among other things... but very sad to leave tyler for ten days as i get quite anxious when i am away from him. tyler is not excited at all. the night that i told him i was going for ten days, he blurted out in his sleep "don't leave me babe", when i got up to let dottie out. i can't complain... he really likes me.
i have a bunch of pics to post, but i don't have my camera with me, so i will do that soon.
peace

i'm it

2008-04-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

in the grand tradition of tagging, i have been chosen by miss whitney boice-arensberg to share six unspectacular quirks about myself...

1- i blow "dust" off of everything that i am going to eat off of or drink out of. ie- when i unwrap a straw i have to blow through it before i stick it into my drink.
2- i can't put on chapstick/lip gloss if my mouth feels dirty... i have to put in gum first before i do.
3- i love fergie
4- anytime that i'm walking on ice or snow i repeat over and over in my head "please don't let me slip and fall, please don't let me slip at all" like a little chant/prayer... i have never told that to anyone.
5- if someone doesn't remember my name i automatically don't care about them
6- i can't eat/enjoy my meal if my hands feel dirty, or if i have to go to the bathroom

i tag whoever wants to do this on their blog... love, nicole

miracles and ulcers

2008-04-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

tyler is my little miracle....
today we were up at bob and berta's for dinner along with the shawn boice family, and tyler ended up outside playing catch with shade and carter.
he can totally throw a ball.
he was pitching to shade and they were like, good pitches. right into the glove.
anyone who saw him a year ago... even a couple months ago will realize how amazing that is.
as i was watching him i was remembering the first blessing that bob gave him, before we knew what was wrong.... he said that he would be made whole.
i kinda got a glimpse of that tonight watching him, that he might actually get it all the way back someday.
anywho... i think i have an ulcer. i'm not sure what to do about it. i took an acid reducer (as per usual), but it didn't really help at all this time.
are these signs/symptoms of ulcers?
1- my stomach hurts if i am sitting or standing, but not when i'm laying down
2- i didn't feel naseous at all... i could eat fine, the pain never subsided before or after eating
3- i ate a really big meal during the pain, and my stomach didn't even register as full
that's all i can think of. what do doctors do for ulcers? any point in going to one? if anyone can help me out with answers that would be great.
other than that we are doing great.
life is busy and good.
tyler has started working again (hallelujah) and has been bombarded with work.
we are trying to make life decisions and what not... we'll keep you updated.

rexburg

2008-03-13T15:39:00.001-07:00

here is an example of one of the many things i love about rexburg....

the owner of the taco time in rexburg is in the same ward as the boice family. they aren't super tight or anything, but they are friends and just a real nice family in general. well, everytime i go through the drive thru (and that is quite often) and the owner is working the drive thru, he very kindly asks how i'm doing and then without a word about it slips a free empanada dessert into my bag with whatever else i ordered. every time. i mean, granted that the boice family altogether probably make up one half of the sales at taco time, but still... i'm only an in-law, ya know? it's such a simple little gesture, but it makes me swell with love for this nice little community i live in every time it happens. in a world that is no longer nice, people are just nice here. it reminds me of when lindsey z. started crying because someone (trent and carrie chicos) had already paid for mine and tyler's dinner (excuse me- tyler and my dinner) when we went to get our check on our group date to chiz's. and while i'm thinking about it... how about that tyler's competition (the other lawncare business' in town) all chipped in and did his lawn route for free -in addition to their own work- so he wouldn't lose his business while he was in the hospital after the stroke, and through his recovery time. i mean where else in the world does that stuff like that happen all the time? make fun of it all you want people who don't live here, but we've got a good thing going.

can i get a bite?

2008-03-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

i suck... you're the best.... as per usual

2008-02-22T11:14:00.000-08:00

this is my best friend julie. she is wonderful and thoughtful and sweet and beautiful and loyal. unless your name is sara powell, then she likes to torture you. julie sent me the cutest little book in the mail entitled "i like you" which was so sweet, and i have yet to call her and thank her. so i wanted to publicly chastise myself for not being a better long distant friend. i know you all probably hate me most of the time (sara), but i promise that i love you all so much (julie and sara), i think about you and talk about you constantly. we have shared some of the best memories of my life, and you'll be my best friends forever. forgive me my weaknesses (not calling or answering my phone)... i know i have many. i love you. thank you for the book julie, i love it.

2008 is going to be a banner year

2008-01-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

i'm so excited and inspired for life right now, so i thought it would be a good time to plan out some of my resolutions for the year...

* plant and nurture a garden full of delicious vegetables that i then use to prepare delicious healthy meals
* along with that i want to get as self sufficient as possible. ie: start our food storage, grind my own wheat... you can use your imagination
* continue on my quest to learn the banjo and the guitar. for those of you who don't know, tyler and i had roberta order us a banjo, and we've been practicing at her house together. who knows, maybe we'll take our act on the road. sonny and cher meets john denver. but seriously, tyler is doing it for therapy on his right hand... isn't that great?
* get a serious start on making a documentary with rachel rennaker about marriage/divorce
* visit teach
* get out of debt
* get pregnant
* read lots of good books that will enrich my mind and soul
* maybe write a book of my own
* take a couple of credits of night classes at the college towards my b.s.
* lose 10 pounds.... but more than that, i want to be and feel healthy and in shape
* stop being intimidated of recipes that look "fancy" to me. try them and master them.
* maybe make up a couple recipes of my own
* be responsible
* keep an immaculate house
* get back the same kind of scriptural knowledge that i had on my mission
* be a really really good wife

....so we'll see how all that goes. any good ideas for other resolutions?